Now that we’re saving some cash with the space shuttle program ending, we should probably invest in Greg from Raleigh and his time machine.
Yesterday, as Atlantis landed at the Kennedy Space Center, NASA’s space shuttle era came to a close after 30 years of exploration. Over the past three decades the U.S. Government has sunk hundreds of billions into the space shuttle program without much to show for it. The history of the program will probably always be marred by the two worst disasters in the history of space travel. The accidents on the Challenger in 1986 and Columbia in 2003 ended tragically and resulted in the deaths of 14 astronauts.
Ultimately, the space shuttle program never accomplished its original goal of providing a more affordable method of space travel. Atlantis’s final 13-day journey cost an estimated half billion dollars.
The entire history of the U.S. space program is a tremendous point of pride amongst Americans, as well it should be. Landing on the moon is still one of the most iconic achievements in the history of our country. However it’s hard not to consider the shuttle era as sort of a disappointment, considering the inability to accomplish its primary goal of cheaper travel and the two disastrous tragedies.
NASA is now scaling back and refocusing on a new program that plans to land man on an asteroid — hopefully not out of necessity — by 2025 and the planet Mars by 2030.
So what are the rest of us supposed to do in the meantime? What will be our next adventure to inspire the childlike sense of wonder and fill the temporary void of manned space travel?
Well, if you’re like me and believe everything you read on the Internet, we should put our faith in the capable hands of Greg from Raleigh, North Carolina. Because according to his Craigslist ad, he’s successfully invented a time machine.
TEST SUBJECT NEEDED FOR TIME MACHINE
I have successfully built a working time machine and need a human test subject that is willing to be the first person to ever travel back in time.
Due to the dimensions of the machine, you must be shorter than 6’3″ and weigh less than 230 lbs. Also, you must be male. That’s not due to the dimensions of the machine, it’s just a personal thing. I think a man should be the first to time travel, just like he was the first to fly an airplane and to walk on the moon.
The pay is $3,000 and, of course, you’ll reap the benefits of being the first person to ever travel back in time (media coverage, endorsements, etc.). You will have to sign a waiver that mainly states:
1. I am not responsible for anything that happens to you when you time travel.
2. You are forbidden from interfering in matters that would disrupt the current timeline (i.e. killing Hitler, warning Hitler about D-Day, etc.).
3. You are not allowed to travel back in time for the purposes of tearing up this waiver before it’s been signed, thereby negating this waiver you’re about to sign. I built a time machine, I’m no moron.As far as the danger of time traveling in this machine, we sent a dog into the past yesterday and it went off without a hitch. He hasn’t yet returned, but that’s just because animals don’t know how to rendezvous. We would like for you to bring him back, if at all possible.
Lastly, you will need three personal references. I can’t take a chance sending some unscrupulous druggie into the past because you’ll mess everything up for us here in the present. The references must be male. Again, it’s just a personal thing.
If you would like to participate, call me on my cell phone at 919.824.4109.
Greg
What a sweet deal! This genius guy named Greg is even willing to trick a potential sex slave pay a lucky American 3K to make history? Sure, he may be a tad bit sexist and I’m not entirely sure why all of his examples of screwing up the space-time continuum reference Hitler, but this totally sounds promising. As for the sexism, he might simply be influenced by the male-dominated cinematic world of time-travel.
After all, the most notable time travelers in history are Michael J. Fox in “Back to the Future,” Keanu Reeves in “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure,” Denzel in “Deja Vu,” Mike Myers in “Austin Powers: Goldmember,” Martin Lawrence in “Black Knight,” Marky Mark/Charlton Heston in “Planet of the Apes,” all the guys in “Hot Tub Time Machine,” and most recently Owen Wilson in “Midnight in Paris.” So it’s not exactly an equal opportunity field.
I mean, he does specify that he’s not a moron, as evidenced by the fact he invented a freakin’ time machine. Personally, that’s all the reassuring I need.
What are we waiting for America? He seems trustworthy enough. Cue the Huey Lewis and the News music.
[Craigslist via Fark]
July 21, 2011 at 8:43 pm, Parvinder Singh Khokhar said:
3 k$ dollars for time traveller may be u can make a history of paid .lol
July 21, 2011 at 11:54 pm, john charles webb jr said:
it seems that most of us have already traveled back-in-time (?) ,
past the initial decision to do so . . . .
and , as a result , forget why we are here now ?
July 24, 2011 at 4:45 pm, Jer10 said:
A complete serious note about time.
Can you believe that there are some people who REALLY believe it possible to turn back time? What’s even more amazing is that these same people are thought of as wise? Like they were real scientists or something?
Professing themselves to be wise they become fools!
I saw a study that “Proved” that time can be manipulated.
“Scientists” took two extremely accurate clocks and flew them in two different directions around the earth. When they both got back to the starting point the two clocks differed by a few thousandths of a second. That PROVES that time can be manipulated! Seriously? That proves that the earth’s rotation has a tiny effect on the calibration of a clock!
Time is a measurement, like an inch or meter, or temperature which shows the effect of the form of energy known as heat on the amount of space mercury or alcohol takes up when enclosed in a glass tube. Imagine a scientist that says that he can control the climate of the entire world, and lower the global temperature… by changing all the numbers on all the thermometers in the world, or by creating a form of mercury that doesn’t expand as much when exposed to energy.
Time is nothing and it can’t be controlled or manipulated because the only thing it is is a measurement. Imagine a scientist saying triumphantly, I have manipulated the inch!!! What’s worse is when the government actually pays large sums of money to the “Scientists” who are trying to manipulate the inch. Think about it.
If you were to turn back time, even by one tenth of a second, the earth would have to completely stop, go backwards for that one tenth of a second, and suddenly reverse its direction once again and continue turning in its normal direction. All the rays of the sun, traveling at 186,000 miles per second would have to go backwards 18,600 miles, and then suddenly return back to it’s former course.
Of course it’s impossible, because everything in the universe that has happened in the last one tenth of a second would have to be undone
July 25, 2011 at 7:31 pm, Dennis said:
Although I used to agree with this same view point, and have spent many hours trying to explain this exact same thing to people who seem to live in a Disney world view, lately I’ve been seeing a commercial on TV which has given me a new perspective. I now firmly convinced that if I can run fast enough to jump through “Dyson’s New Air Multiplier Bladeless Fan”, physics will reverse on the entire planet. LOL
July 26, 2011 at 1:09 am, Rico Robbins said:
I believe the listing is a complete SCAM. It’s been flagged for removal. Anyway, as to Jer10 and everyone else who says time is only a measurement: Time Travel IS possible!
According to the theory of relativity, time is a dimension, and everyone is progressing through it at the speed of light. If light can’t change speed (verified over and over again in many experiments), space and time have to compensate, and as a result, moving through space alters our amount of passage through time as it slows down. We can’t detect the change because everything, including clocks and brainwaves, must slow down, too. Clocks, therefore, measure our measurement through this temporal dimension.
As for the “reversing everything” concept to travel back in time, that is NOT what happens. In General Relativity, gravity can manipulate space and time, or simply space-time. In other words, if there is enough matter or energy to manipulate time into a complete loop, you can travel through “space” to travel back in time. You are just manipulating, again, your passage through the temporal dimension, not reversing earth’s rotation and everything. I also believe that the past cannot be changed, but you can interact with the past, and those actions have taken place already even before the trip. In other words, if it did not happen, it cannot happen.
I do believe that time travel is possible, but whether its practical with today’s technology…well, that’s another story!
September 03, 2011 at 11:13 pm, nekonikoban said:
Wasn’t that listing from the Best of Craigslist?
September 03, 2011 at 11:16 pm, nekonikoban said:
Actually, it was. In a more watered down form, anyhow. It was posted last year. http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bzn/1971141280.html
July 26, 2011 at 1:09 am, Rico Robbins said:
I believe the listing is a complete SCAM. It’s been flagged for removal. Anyway, as to Jer10 and everyone else who says time is only a measurement: Time Travel IS possible!
According to the theory of relativity, time is a dimension, and everyone is progressing through it at the speed of light. If light can’t change speed (verified over and over again in many experiments), space and time have to compensate, and as a result, moving through space alters our amount of passage through time as it slows down. We can’t detect the change because everything, including clocks and brainwaves, must slow down, too. Clocks, therefore, measure our measurement through this temporal dimension.
As for the “reversing everything” concept to travel back in time, that is NOT what happens. In General Relativity, gravity can manipulate space and time, or simply space-time. In other words, if there is enough matter or energy to manipulate time into a complete loop, you can travel through “space” to travel back in time. You are just manipulating, again, your passage through the temporal dimension, not reversing earth’s rotation and everything. I also believe that the past cannot be changed, but you can interact with the past, and those actions have taken place already even before the trip. In other words, if it did not happen, it cannot happen.
I do believe that time travel is possible, but whether its practical with today’s technology…well, that’s another story!
July 26, 2011 at 1:09 am, Rico Robbins said:
I believe the listing is a complete SCAM. It’s been flagged for removal. Anyway, as to Jer10 and everyone else who says time is only a measurement: Time Travel IS possible!
According to the theory of relativity, time is a dimension, and everyone is progressing through it at the speed of light. If light can’t change speed (verified over and over again in many experiments), space and time have to compensate, and as a result, moving through space alters our amount of passage through time as it slows down. We can’t detect the change because everything, including clocks and brainwaves, must slow down, too. Clocks, therefore, measure our measurement through this temporal dimension.
As for the “reversing everything” concept to travel back in time, that is NOT what happens. In General Relativity, gravity can manipulate space and time, or simply space-time. In other words, if there is enough matter or energy to manipulate time into a complete loop, you can travel through “space” to travel back in time. You are just manipulating, again, your passage through the temporal dimension, not reversing earth’s rotation and everything. I also believe that the past cannot be changed, but you can interact with the past, and those actions have taken place already even before the trip. In other words, if it did not happen, it cannot happen.
I do believe that time travel is possible, but whether its practical with today’s technology…well, that’s another story!