We are currently 14 months away from the 2012 United States Presidential election. It took me five minutes of intense research to find that out, because unlike everyone else that writes for Death and Taxes, I purposely don’t know much about politics.
It’s a strategic defense mechanism that I’ve developed in order to limit my boundless frustrations. Because when my sports teams (the stuff I truly and inanely care about) fuck up, and I can’t do anything to change the fact, it doesn’t matter because in the grand scheme of things it’s just a game. However when our government fucks up it impacts millions, and if I know exactly what they fucked up and how they did it, my frustration level would reach the critical mass of insufferable. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss.
So I keep things simple. All I know is that our country is still a decaying mess. Unemployment is still high and the economy is still completely unstable. Every sign of optimism is quickly squashed by a market crash, collapsing debt ceiling, “Transformers” movie or Anthony’s wiener.
Basically a lot of shit needs to be sorted out before November 2012, however since our elected officials piss and moan more than infants and prostitutes, nothing probably will.
You might have made the assumption that everyone here at Death and Taxes care deeply about politics and the upcoming election. Now most of us would be too cool to admit it, but everyone here is incredibly knowledgeable about our current administration. We keep a Michelle Bachmann dartboard on the wall and an unnamed editor claims to have once taken an upper-decker in Sarah Palin’s tour bus. So by all means heed their opinions, criticisms and ideas. There’s a reason I write about movie trailers, Justin Bieber and Harry Potter.
When it comes to politics I try to remain apathetic without being completely indifferent. Which I believe is the key to appearing like you care about the presidential election 14 months ahead of time when you really don’t give a shit (yet).
Don’t publicly claim strong beliefs that will result in hour-long arguments with strangers on line at the DMV. Watch “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report” for the comedic value and you’ll inevitably soak in info you can use as a 2012 crib sheet—just the basics. Because honestly, in my humble opinion, putting any effort into the election this far ahead of time is relatively pointless. Seriously, imagine how all those Tim Pawlenty fans feel right now?
Plus, I have a terrible knack of rooting for losers, which, on a side note, is a theory of mine about why Americans don’t care too much about soccer: It matters once every four years and once you start believing they break your heart. On top of that, I put way too much energy and hope into being a Buffalo Bills and New York Mets fan to care deeply about politics.
Election season is a marathon and I have no plans on running a marathon in the near future, so I try to make it something a little more manageable, like an 800-meter jog. If you start caring about the election season now without any previous training you’ll be completely burnt out by the primaries. So if you want to feign interest use the Sarah Palin “chat and cut” approach.
Right now Palin is hanging around the election watching as candidates pop up and drop out. She’s waiting for the perfect time to jump into the game of double dutch. Now it may be a bullshit strategy for a politician, but it suits perfectly for a fair-weather political fan. I’m waiting it out until it looks manageable.
Until that time comes I’ll learn two or three talking points for intellectually themed conversations that I inevitably get trapped in once in a while. During which I try to ask questions instead of attempting to answer.
In the meantime, the most important thing to do is read this site. No joke, everyone else here will help you sound smart, while I entertain by juggling and posting movie trailers. Thanks for reading Death and Taxes, where we’ve got your political osmosis covered.
See you when the election gets down to that 800-meter jog.
