That’s right, everybody—Stephen Colbert dedicated an entire segment of his show last night to the most serious-sounding site on the internet.
Okay, someone just informed me that apparently “Death and Taxes” is what Benjamin Franklin called the only two certainties in life. Evidently it’s a pretty famous quote. Here I thought our publication simply had some rather morbid founders. Oh well.
Last night, Colbert offered a peek at how the Republican presidential candidates plan to fix our economy. The common theme appeared to be a belief that we need to “broaden the base.” The GOP wants a more concerted effort amongst every American to pay income taxes in order to raise our country’s income. As Michele Bachmann says, “even if it’s just one dollar.”
Since it would be a sin to suggest taxing the rich a rate which is more proportional to their income, the GOP is calling out all those freeloading poor people out there. Rick Perry, Mitt Romney and Michele Bachmann are quick to mention the fact that 50 percent of the U.S. population fail to pay their income taxes. What they conveniently fail to mention is the fact that the majority of this group is made up of people who make under $20,000 a year, the elderly and the unemployed.
Why take the money from the people with enough to open a new mint, when the people who can’t afford to eat Ramen noodles four times a week are hoarding all their cash?
Colbert goes on to take it one step further — start taxing the deceased. Everyone should get out their shovels and start “grave sharing,” by grabbing all the rings and watches we can find. If this sounds like too much manual labor we could simply tax the rich their fair share. But that’s crazy talk.