When it comes to creating jobs, all human decency should be thrown out the window.
In time of crisis our country searches for a leader who can serve as a moral compass to lead us in the right direction. Since our current government is too busy giving each other wedgies and tying people’s shoelaces together, we turn to the entertainment industry for a voice of reason — we look to our new fearless leader Stephen Colbert.
Last night, on his current events television show, Colbert introduced the world to revolutionary thinker Ritch Workman. During our current job crisis very few politicians are thinking outside the box in a effort to create new jobs for their constituents. Have no fear everyone, because Florida Republican Representative Ritch Workman is exploring the infinite space outside the box.
Rep. Workman is fighting tirelessly to repeal Florida’s 1989 ban on dwarf tossing, a barbaric barroom activity imported from Australia that was immensely popular in Florida. Workman is looking out for the “little guy”—because the government shouldn’t impede his freedom to strap on a helmet and get tossed across a barroom floor.
“I’m on a quest to seek and destroy unnecessary burdens on the freedom and liberties of people,” Workman said. “This is an example of Big Brother government.
“All that it does is prevent some dwarfs from getting jobs they would be happy to get,” Workman said. “In this economy, or any economy, why would we want to prevent people from getting gainful employment?”
“I would never force anybody to take this form of employment or pay to watch it,” Workman said. “I think it’s repulsive and stupid. But it’s none of the state’s business if somebody wants to do this.”
To call Workman shortsighted would be quite the understatement. Dwarf tossing was banned not only because it was extremely degrading, but also because the activity could lead to serious injuries such as paralysis. According to Workman’s employment theory, we also shouldn’t outlaw prostitution, the black market, drug trade or contract killing — because hey they’re just trying to make a living, right?