CDC Zombie Preparedness Comic: It Was All A Dream

Spoiler alert: CDC’s zombie comic has nice, neat ending.

Seizing the zombie zeitgeist, and trying to make themselves hip, the Centers for Disease Control earlier this year released a “Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse” for Americans fearful of an undead pandemic a la “The Walking Dead.”

Their latest effort on that front is a comic book detailing just what to do should your dead Aunt Petunia try to take a bite out of your arm.

The story opens on a dark, predictably spooky night. A young couple, Todd and Julie, and their dog prepare for bed after watching a horror flick. Before heading up after his Julie, Todd, being a news junkie, tunes in to see what’s happening in the world. Apparently a lot: “Several people have been hospitalized after a strange virus began spreading rapidly through the Southeast.”

The virus’ symptoms are just what you’d expect from a zombie attack’s early days, including slow movement, slurred speech and violent tendencies.

Luckily for the fictional man, the CDC posted the aforementioned zombie guide online, so he can stock up on all the necessary supplies: flashlight, radio, dog food for the mutt and other daily essentials.

After gathering up his supplies and nearly being eaten by a zombified neighbor, the man and his girlfriend defy the news reports to stay inside and head to the CDC. Miraculously, the CDC looks unscathed by the attack and has already figured out what’s causing it: a mutated form of the flu. And they’re working on a vaccine, which ultimately only takes a week to make. Sounds far-fetched, right? Right.

The entire comic, it turns out, was just a dream. That’s because CDC doesn’t really think we’ll face a zombie attack, and their walking dead-esque campaign is simply a bit of propaganda to show the CDC can handle anything, and that by following their guidance, you can, too.

Follow their advice, the comic concludes, and “you’ll be ready for any kind of disasters, even zombies.” Curiously, their survival guide does not include the one thing everyone will need in such a situation: a weapon.