Death-obsessed GOP condemns demon communist Fidel Castro to hell

The four remaining Republican presidential candidates came together for the NBC-sponsored Florida debate last night. Since they were in the Sunshine State, it was only a matter of time before the conversation turned toward neighboring Cuba. And since we’re talking about the Republican Party, it was only natural that the White House hopefuls cheered for Fidel Castro’s death.

“Well first of all, you thank heavens that Fidel Castro has returned to his maker and will be sent to to another land,” Mitt Romney said when moderator Brian Williams asked how he would handle a potential influx of Cuban immigrants once communist leader Castro dies.

The crowd, asked by Williams to hold applause throughout the event, allowed itself to get a little riled up. They were more subdued than when their peers cheered letting a sick, uninsured man die during a CNN debate last September or when another GOP audience lauded Rick Perry’s historic execution record, but it was clear that they too would be thrilled at 85-year old Castro’s demise.

Newt Gingrich went a bit further than Romney by saying Castro won’t be meeting his maker. He’ll be rotting in hell! “I don’t think Fidel is going to meet his maker, I think he’s going to the place.” The “place” is of course a euphemism meaning, to quote The Simpsons, “Hell, where Castro will eat not but burning hot coals, and drink not but burning hot cola; where firey demons will punch him in the back; where his soul will be chopped into confetti, strewn upon a parade of murderers and single mothers; and where his tongue will be torn out by ravenous birds.”

Rick Santorum, meanwhile, said we should celebrate when all the Castros are dead, so basically an entire family should be condemned for their patriarch’s misdeeds. Basically all the candidates save for Ron Paul are chomping at the bit to inject American forces into Cuba and overthrow that nation’s government and plant the seeds of capitalism.

So, yet again, the so-called “party of life” has proven itself willing, able and eager to revel in blood, gore and death, all in the name of individualism and the free market. They would vote for Freddy Krueger, but he opted to make millions in Hollywood rather than work in the Oval Office. Mr. Krueger’s one smart, capitalist dream monster, and now one of the remaining Republican candidates will have to prove themselves just as money-minded and blood-thirsty. And they’re doing a bang-up job!

Image by Ruben Ubiera, via Fine Art America.