Like a 1920s cartoon of a rich person running for president, Mitt Romney has been ambling through the countryside sampling various local wares. But yesterday he fucked up big time. Oh yes, dear reader. This is the scandal of the fucking decade. Forget Sandusky. Forget the war on Iraq. Forget Michael Jackson dying. This, this right here, is what you’ll be telling your grandkids. I bring you:

Cookiegate 2012

Yes, the scandal that will soon rock the nation. Here’s how it went down: Romney was in Bethel Park, PA to drum up support for his PresidentBot5000 Presidential run, when he was asked what he thought about some cookies from local Bethel Park institution Bethel Bakery (who are offering a fucking sweet deal on a Steelers cake that feeds 12 for $46 – go Steelers!) What did Mitt do? He shunned the cookies.

He shunned the beloved institution, saying that the cookies were from “a local 7-Eleven bakery or whatever.” Mitt Fucking Romney: Number One Shunner and Total Dick to Small Businesses.

Bakery owner John Walsh was outraged, saying to local TV station WTAE “When I heard it, I thought, ‘Oh, my goodness. This guy has no idea how beloved this institution is that provided these cookies. We wanted him to be welcomed with the best in the burgh, and he had no idea. We had a customer on Facebook say, ‘Maybe he’s just used to eating cookies with diamonds in them,’” said Walsh. “I don’t know. We don’t offer that yet.”

Did you hear that, Mitt? They don’t have cookies with diamonds in them. Yet. Mitt, you clearly have no idea how to talk to “the people” – go back to Washington and eat caviar crusted angel-taints with the rest of your fat-cat friends.