Did you go to the Met Ball the last night? Of course you didn’t! The Met Ball is the premier gala that annually introduces the fashion exhibit at the Costume Institute in the New York Metropolitan Museum. It’s considered to be the fashion world’s best red carpet event. It’s for rich people, it’s for famous people, it’s for pretty people. And you, Button, are none of those things. Me? I was at a bar playing Dopesmoker on a jukebox. While other people were funding a museum, the rest of us were doing what we always do: living life.

But, say, when was the last time you went to the Met, anyway? Did you know you can go for a penny? Thanks to the museum’s endowment, you can attend at any price (the fee they ask you to pay is a suggestion). You can’t go for less, however. Believe me, I’ve tried. There’s nothing like spending a cold November morning walking down 5th Avenue looking for a penny on the sidewalk. That probably sounds pretty funny, but I was in Manhattan on an errand and I was too tired to go back to Brooklyn. So I guess that’s why overblown celebrity-encrusted events are necessary, so you and I can enjoy things at a reasonable price. Just not for free.