Ah, the Segway. You may have seen them used by the Chicago police department, bored parking cops, or rich people with enough money to throw away on a new way to not move their legs.

Meanwhile, in Japan… Honda has made a people-mover not dissimilar to the much-derided Segway scooter. The main difference is that you control the machine by steering it with your ass. It’s called the UNI-CUB and, well, take a look for yourself.

It’s the kind of thing one might read about in a Philip K. Dick novel about humankind in the not-too-distant future, where a shift in ones ass could mean the difference between careening into a wall or riding comfortably into that meeting where you’ll be taken very seriously by the rest of the ass-steering high-rollers you work with in your big-person business. I mean, I know “Japan” and everything – but steering something with your ass just seems odd. What happens if someone wants to borrow it? Do they wipe it down? These are things you have to think about when you have a machine that does your walking for you that is controlled by your butt. Just sayin’, Japan.

You can also control the little scooter with a phone app if you wish, and the little bastard can go about 3 miles on a single charge as Yahoo! reports. That’s about the distance from my apartment in Brooklyn to the D&T offices over on the west side of midtown Manhattan. Maybe I’ll get one. Will you buy one? Can you handle the ridicule in order for a comfortable, pampered ride for your ass? The choice is yours.