Jack White is looking to get into the “Guinness Book of World Records” by any means necessary, and he has chosen the literary device of metaphor as his way to do so.

Lately, Jack White has had a real hard-on for “Guinness World Records.” In a recent conversation White had with astronaut Buzz Aldrin, covered by Interview, White expressed his disgust with “Guinness” for denying The White Stripes a placement in the book for shortest concert ever, referencing the one-note show the duo played in Newfoundland, Canada, documented in the film “Under Great White Northern Lights.”

White called the Guinness Book an “elitist organization” and that “there’s nothing scientific about what they do.” “Guinness” actually responded to the dis, addressing White’s issues head-on. In a conversation with NME, a representative from “Guinness” explained that submissions of shortest anything are a rather difficult quantity to measure. They noted that after The White Stripes played their Newfoundland show in 2007, that there were subsequently countless entries from bands claiming to have beaten the record which then called into question what constitutes a concert and how many people need to be present for it to count as such.

“Guinness” however challenged White to get into their world famous book through other means. “Many of us at ‘Guinness World Records’ are enormous admirers of Mr. White’s oeuvre, and we would be extremely pleased if he were to attempt any of the 40,000 records that are currently active on our database.”

Today, White’s label Third Man has released a statement accepting this challenge.

During the rest of the performances on his current tour supporting his new album ‘Blunderbuss’ (which incidentally is currently in the running for the world record of ‘the fastest named album in history’ *pending), Jack White will every night on stage attempt to break the world record for most metaphors in a single concert.

The attempt may prove very exhausting and at times even dangerous, but the results could prove to be glorious and possibly even vainglorious. White and Third Man Records are certain that the extremely scientific and intricate analysis of the metaphors that occur will be examined in accordance with Guinness’ usually very thorough methods probably, or at the very least if somebody answers the phone at the pub.

The press release also asks audiences to not interfere by injecting their own metaphors at these concerts to avoid any disqualification but that they are encouraged to spur any dialogue that may inspire White to use a metaphorical response. Vainglorious indeed.

This will certainly be an interesting feat to accomplish and with any hope, it will be adequately documented, not just for its “Guinness World Records” submission, but so that the public can see what is bound to be one of the most hilarious concerts ever staged (I’m not sure they can measure that either unfortunately).