A Planned Parenthood Florida affiliate has really ruffled the doilies of quite a few conservatives this month by supporting “National Masturbation Month,” America’s least known, most celebrated holiday.

The month long recognition was started in 1995 by a San Francisco sex-toy shop called Good Vibrations, and whose celebrations include an annual “Masturbate-a-Thon,” which raises money for sex education and sounds rather painful.

The Planned Parenthood of Southwest and Central Florida tweeted on Friday, “Happy Masturbation Month! We’ve got lots of info on masturbation here,” linking to the Planned Parenthood Federation of America’s page on masturbation. The site discusses the normalcy and healthiness of masturbating, saying masturbation improves sleep and body image, provides sexual pleasure for people without partners, including the elderly, and strengthenss muscle tone in the pelvic and anal regions, reducing chances of leakage.

On paper, masturbation sounds like a dream, but to conservatives like Jim Sedlak of Stop Planned Parenthood, masturbation is a “gateway drug” to sex.

Sedlak says Planned Parenthood is selling the idea of masturbation as “risk-free” sex to children, and that, consequentially, youths will become “hooked on sexual stimulation as a way to escape their problems.”

LifeSiteNews also says of Planned Parenthood’s support of National Masturbation Month, “Especially alarming is how masturbation at an early age has been shown to interfere with a child’s ability to develop compassion and to learn—effects seen in children who regularly masturbate as young as six years old.”

Let me just say I know that many people, including perhaps myself and probably whoever is reading this right now, and even the people who claim masturbation will ruin a child’s ability to love, have all masturbated several times starting at a young age. I graduated college, I cry at sad movies and at cats who have diabetes, and I do not escape my problems by becoming addicted to a vibrator and/or a strange men.

LifeSiteNews also made up some stuff about how “Planned Parenthood’s website tells parents to encourage elementary-age children to experiment with masturbation.” I scoured their website for this. It never happened.

Sedlak says, “Kids begin to want additional sexual experiences, and Planned Parenthood is there to sell them products and to make millions from them.” Oh, like the free condoms and birth control?

Young people, and apparently the elderly, have been masturbating long before there even was a Planned Parenthood or an anti-Planned Parenthood movement. No national holiday or a celebratory tweet or Masturbate-a-Thon whereby people film themselves orgasming — which has also been happening forever — is going to turn anyone into a child-aborting sex fiend.

What a bunch of jerk-offs.