According to reports and the outside, it has become apparent that it is really fucking hot outside.
Yes, in a freakish and bizarre annual ritual of which there is no clear explanation, temperatures rose today to over 100ºF in many parts of the country. Some call it by what may be an ancient Sumerian name “Suh Mer” – this natural phenomenon is known to take place around the top half of the globe every 365 days or so. Al Qaeda is not reported to be behind this temperature attack.
For those affected it is advised to seek shade, liquid, and an outdoor BBQ immediately.