The famous turtle – the last of its kind – was found dead in his pen over the weekend in the Galapagos Islands off of the coast of Ecuador. He was over 100 years old and weighed over 200lbs.
Lonesome George was so named because he couldn’t find a mate, as sadly there are no Craigslist adult personal ads for a Pinta Island giant tortoise such as him. In fact, he was the only one. Ever. His handlers offered a reward of $10,000 to anyone who found a female Pinta Island giant tortoise yet the reward was never claimed and George’s dalliances with other tortoise species females proved futile as George’s one-of-a-kind tortoise spunk could not fertilize their eggs.
According to “Lonesome George: The Life and Loves of a Conservation Icon,” George did, however, have a 26 year-old human girlfriend – a Swiss zoology student named Sveva Grigioni who “manually stimulated” (read: jacked off) George for four months in 1994. Presumably, it was not one continuous session, but still. That’s mighty impressive. He didn’t even have to take her out for a nice dinner and a musical or anything. Nice one, George.