You guys don’t deserve to read this kind of headline—no one does. But here at Death and Taxes, when someone takes a shit on the floor at an Arizona Walmart, we’re kind of obligated to share it with our readers. Take it or leave it.
So here’s what happened: a 56 year-old man walks into a Walmart in Chandler, Arizona at around 5pm on Thursday, grabs a beer, then tries to walk out of the store without paying. When a loss prevention manager sees the man, he asks him to step back inside, at which point the man—the thief, not the loss prevention manager— pulls down his pants and takes a crap on the floor in front of customers. “Many customers,” according to AZ Central, the news site that broke this tale. The man was arrested for “defecating in public, indecent exposure, disorderly conduct, loitering and shoplifting, according to the court document.”
We have no idea what makes a person poop angrily, but this guy is by no means the first. Back in November 2010 a man in Sweden walked into a store, asked to use the bathroom, and when the cashier refused, used the floor instead. At first it sounded like an emergency not averted, and I felt bad for the guy, but then I read on: apparently he yelled insults at the cashier while doing his business and helped himself to some candy on the way out. The court sentenced him to eight months in prison.
There are various other stories, some involving club dance floors, some grocery aisles. In one, a business man on a flight from Buenos Aires to New York became angry when a flight attendent cut off his drinking and started yelling before dropping his drawers and doing his business on a beverage cart. That story is told quite amusingly and with much more valuable context in John Waters’ book “Role Models.”
This seems to happen on a fairly regular basis—people expressing their anger from the wrong end. We obviously can’t say why—each offender probably has his or her own reasons—but we can say that we’re glad we work on the Internet. Not because it introduces us to these stories (though they’re fascinating in their own sick way), but because it means we can work from home, and thereby minimize our chances of witnessing an angry pooper in person.