The day after the 4th of July is bound to be a slow news day with millions across the nation not doing jack shit except smoking bath salts and eating leftovers. We’ve gathered some of the best worst headlines of the day.

– Hot weather leads to decrease in attendance (WXPI)
– South Carolina Piñata Controversy (KTLA)
– Iowa Governor chokes on carrot. (San Pedro, CA)
– Night kayakers have close call on river. (Citizens Voice)
– Someone stops eating a plate of fries. (The Chronicle Herald)
– Kids fighting other kids on Facebook. (NYDailyNews)