In a move that some might say reeks of the stench of George Lucas, Ernest Hemingway’s 1931 classic “A Farewell To Arms” will be rereleased with alternate endings by Scribner Books, according to the New York Times.

“Why the fuck not,” a publisher at Scribner did not say. “We really don’t give a shit about letting sleeping dogs lie. Fuck it, man,” he did not continue.

“It’s game over, man. Game over,” said one unnamed Scribner executive in a fictional interview we did not conduct, “God is dead. God is dead.”

God, when reached for comment, merely shrugged and released this YouTube video as a statement, while adding a hastily hand-written note saying “What the fuck do I care? So the guy wrote 39 different endings. Does that mean they should be released?” in Comic Sans font, the preferred font choice of God.