– Watch an entire field of major league baseball players shit their shorts all at once.
– Here’s Jean Claude Van Damme making snow angels and singing “Take My Breath Away.”
– Ernest Borgnine revealed the secret of old age to Fox News: jerkin’ off.
– Darrel Issa became the first Congressperson to sign the Declaration of Internet Freedom.
– Chumbawamba broke up today: They get knocked, they will never get back up again.
– Zola Jesus released a new video for your viewing pleasure.
– It got so hot in Washington DC a plane melted into the tarmac at Dulles.
– The New Yorker ponders how Justice Roberts might rule on a gay marriage case.
Image: Kayaker has a run-in with a great white shark in Cape Cod, via Gawker.