– Watch an entire field of major league baseball players shit their shorts all at once.

– Here’s Jean Claude Van Damme making snow angels and singing “Take My Breath Away.”

– Ernest Borgnine revealed the secret of old age to Fox News: jerkin’ off.

– Darrel Issa became the first Congressperson to sign the Declaration of Internet Freedom.

– Chumbawamba broke up today: They get knocked, they will never get back up again.

– Zola Jesus released a new video for your viewing pleasure.

– It got so hot in Washington DC a plane melted into the tarmac at Dulles.

– The New Yorker ponders how Justice Roberts might rule on a gay marriage case.

Image: Kayaker has a run-in with a great white shark in Cape Cod, via Gawker.