Remember that 80s show “Alf,” about the alien? Yeah, me too, vaguely. Since it’s been off of the air for 22 years perhaps that’s enough time for people to get back into the show again and…
Wait, hang on just a fucking minute. There are people starving in this world and there’s an “Alf” movie in the pipeline some 24 years after the show was ever relevant? Are they fucking crazy (answer: yes)?
Why?
Why would they do that? There HAS to be, even just statistically speaking, some guy out there with a good script and a good idea for a movie that doesn’t involve yet another reboot, remake, adaptation of a shitty TV show, adaptation of a good TV show, Battleship, board game… something.
It’s like Hollywood has been drinking heavily and is calling all its old girlfriends trying to get a handjob, and by handjob in that metaphor I mean “pitiful shot at relevancy.” You can’t just “have an Alf movie” and expect it to go well. Children today won’t remember that and adults barely remember it as is. Unless you’re going for the 30-45 stoner demographic, in which case you could have saved yourself a whole lot of money and just made a web series about Alf.
But no. Apparently there’s a big fucking movie coming our way that will cost millions of dollars to make and produce, all because Hollywood is too scared to produce anything new and original.
Having said that, the recent Smurfs movie brought in half a billion dollars worldwide. Having said that, God is dead and there is nothing that you or I can do about it.
August 09, 2012 at 5:26 pm, Alyceé Nicole said:
Some of us dipshit nerds out in the world actually enjoyed "Alf." Just for kicks, I rented it from the library a few weeks ago and it made me laugh. Yes, I agree, there's some shite Hollywood imperative about remaking old shows/cartoons/movies, but as far as the 30-45 demographic of stoners, I don't smoke pot, for one, and still laughed at the show 24 years later. As far as your comment that there are "people starving in the world"…the relevancy of that line is completely useless. Why didn't you just launch into a tirade about how much Olympians get paid or making a movie about the man who runs with prostethics? "Oh how Hollywood. It's like Rudy without the legs..the underdog bullshit…." I usually enjoy your articles but this one sucked. Sounds like you were the one that was shit-faced and desperately trying to keep your job by writing a piece of shit article. LAME.
August 09, 2012 at 5:45 pm, Mark Phillips said:
I watched it on TV when I was a kid but the scenarios got a little contrived as it went. The way Alf came fully into focus and something tremendous was the short lived cartoon on Saturday mornings. Not limited by where a puppet can go and not dumbed down for primetime. They are simply brilliant. No other word for them. If ya get a chance check them out.
August 09, 2012 at 6:28 pm, Alyceé Nicole said:
I was stoked about Alf being made into a movie! They have the box sets for rent at the library….The writer of the article was such a jagoff, I was pretty much a semi-bitch in my comment back to him.
August 09, 2012 at 6:00 pm, Rachael Pazdan said:
you're amazing.
August 09, 2012 at 6:03 pm, Mark Martelli said:
If they work in Blurnsball, and Alf eats a cat, I'm there.
August 09, 2012 at 6:04 pm, John M. Spidaliere said:
That's so not true. I've been asking for an Alf movie for years.
August 09, 2012 at 6:23 pm, White Blues said:
If there is anything less wanted than an Alf movie it would have to be another rant from whoever Ned Hepburn is. This is honestly one of the worst online pieces of writing I have ever seen. 'There are people starving in this world' is without a doubt the weakest, laziest, least relevant most unintelligent statement you could EVER say about ANYTHING. Very few people can write an article that contains an opinion as widely shared as this one, and actually make people take the opposite view due to how poorly and sloppily you've present your argument. You have a sentence in there-which isn't grammatically a sentence-mentioning the 30-45 stoner demographic. I found this hilarious because you say it condescendingly, as if this piece of garbage you spewed forth with your limited wisdom has a demographic beyond stoners in their mid 20s. I'm willing to bet this was hastily jotted down between bong rips, because there is no other explanation for your undeserving, self-righteous attitude than a drug addiction.
August 09, 2012 at 7:23 pm, Rockin' Ammonia Karaoke said:
Ned Hepburn? What kind of dipshit name is that? Fuck you! Alf is not the fucking Smurfs, and it's not the fucking Chipmunks either. And FYI, Alf is now on The Hub for two hours on Thursday nights.
August 09, 2012 at 7:40 pm, Chris Fehrenbacher said:
Wow, sounds as if you've got a personal beef with Alf. Why don't you use a few more cuss words and tell us about the starving pygmies in Africa again? It's not like it's tax money, so let them make what they want and either go see it or don't.
August 09, 2012 at 8:47 pm, Joseph Milne said:
Good night Mrs. Aukmonic… where ever you are.
August 09, 2012 at 6:36 pm, Where’s My “Charles in Charge” Movie!? | grouchymuffin said:
[...] via Like this:LikeBe the first to like this. This entry was posted in Bile and Contempt, Signs of the End Times, Televisonary and tagged 1980's, ALF movie, andrea elson, eatin' pussycats, end times, gordon schumway, horrible, nbc, paul fusco, planet melmack, the tanners. Bookmark the permalink. ← Know Your Price! [...]
August 10, 2012 at 4:20 pm, Kristen Tirado said:
Im actually watching it right now. And maybe you didn't realize half the movies they been coming out with are based off of older cartoons and comics. I am not a stoner! Just love Alf!!! So quit your bitching.
November 07, 2012 at 7:18 am, Kyle Lucas Bernal said:
I asked for it I love alf so their.