Remember that 80s show “Alf,” about the alien? Yeah, me too, vaguely. Since it’s been off of the air for 22 years perhaps that’s enough time for people to get back into the show again and…
Wait, hang on just a fucking minute. There are people starving in this world and there’s an “Alf” movie in the pipeline some 24 years after the show was ever relevant? Are they fucking crazy (answer: yes)?
Why would they do that? There HAS to be, even just statistically speaking, some guy out there with a good script and a good idea for a movie that doesn’t involve yet another reboot, remake, adaptation of a shitty TV show, adaptation of a good TV show, Battleship, board game… something.
It’s like Hollywood has been drinking heavily and is calling all its old girlfriends trying to get a handjob, and by handjob in that metaphor I mean “pitiful shot at relevancy.” You can’t just “have an Alf movie” and expect it to go well. Children today won’t remember that and adults barely remember it as is. Unless you’re going for the 30-45 stoner demographic, in which case you could have saved yourself a whole lot of money and just made a web series about Alf.
But no. Apparently there’s a big fucking movie coming our way that will cost millions of dollars to make and produce, all because Hollywood is too scared to produce anything new and original.
Having said that, the recent Smurfs movie brought in half a billion dollars worldwide. Having said that, God is dead and there is nothing that you or I can do about it.