Scott Stapp – known widely as That Guy From That Band Creed – is throwing his hat into the ring for Mitt Romney. No word on whether the hat will be thrown back out of the ring by all of the fucks not given.

For those unfamiliar with the band Creed, consider yourselves incredibly lucky. The band arrived at the very, very tail end of the corporate alternative rock buyout of the late 1990s. Their special blend of Christian imagery and Pearl Jam rip-off guitar wankery earned them the idolization and canonization in the hearts of many people Christian youth-group leaders / people who live in shitty towns in the middle of the country. To put it mildly, Creed are so bad that they are often considered the Creed of bands; that is to say that that they are divisible by zero, that they are in fact nothing, that nothing is everything, and that we are all one consciousness experiencing a collective reality. Simply by existing, Creed and frontman Scott Stapp have disproved the existence of a Christian God, because what God would allow Creed to exist?

Scott Stapp – ”singer” of such shits as “Arms Wide Open” and “Higher” – went on (where else?) Fox News to announce his choice for president.

Stapp, a devout Christian, has been arrested for drunk-driving and also beating his wife although the charges were later dropped. The GOP seemingly need all the hope they can get, even from the mouths of abusive frontmen of bands most people stopped caring about when Clinton was still in office.