As the competition heats up in the United States for who will do worse for this country in the next four years, maybe the candidates should look to Brazil for ideas in getting young voters off their couch and into the voting booth. A 32 year-old woman in Itacoatiara, Brazil was arrested on Sunday for allegedly distributing packets of cocaine in exchange for votes.
“According to locals, Carme Cristina da Silva Lima had been distributing the drugs since early in the morning, on condition that people vote for her,” Police chief Daniel Ottoni told TNONline.
Fuck Obama buying votes with beer, this is way more forward thinking. Cocaine for votes would have many positive extrinsic values. For one, it would cut down on our obesity crisis. Anyone who has done cocaine knows that buying a Big Mac is the most disgusting thing in the world under the influence. Second, it would get all the pot-smoking youth actually out of their World of Warcraft-Hot Pocket eating bedrooms and to the polls. Hell, even if it doesn’t get them to the polls, it will at least get them out of their rooms.
Like many greats of past—Einstein, Confucius, Tyler Perry—Lima was a bit ahead of her time. Unfortunately the Brazilian government did not exactly agree with her forward-thinking tactics and she has since been charged with electoral corruption and drug dealing. Keep your chin up though, Lima—who knows, 100 years from now you might be seen as a revolutionary.