How to smoke weed socially
On Tuesday Vice posted a fun rant about the proper way to share a bong. It’s important information for communal getting-high-ness. However, most social smoking experiences are a lot less personal than sharing a large bong with close friends. In case you’ve never been taught how to handle a joint or pipe being passed to you at a party I’m here to outline the most base rules of social weed etiquette so you can stop looking like such a square all the G.D. time.
If you’re actively trying to get “lifted” and some generous weed-head is doling out the goods it would be seriously “dope” of you to barter something for your experience. As a casual smoker you probably don’t have any green of your own to match a bowl with (square alert: matching bowls means contributing an equal amount of weed with the other provider, and it shouldn’t be cess) so offering to throw five on it or giving the stoner who’s smoking you out a portion of whatever you brought to the party (alcohol or snacks, hopefully) is a polite and welcome move.
This should be well covered territory but some weirdos still have an insane amount of trouble understanding this concept. If a joint or pipe is passed to you, take TWO “hits” of it and move it along. This is universally called “puff, puff, pass” (or puff, puff, give, if you’re against alliteration). The exception to this rule is that if you’re the person who provided the joint/bowl you are allowed to “sit” on it as long as you’d like. Sitting on a joint is a privilege and if you’re not an asshole you won’t do it for long. The provider can sit with extra puffs but sitting caused by conversation or spacing out is rude because that joint is burning the entire time you’re jaw-jacking. And wasting weed is silly.
ROTATION 2: THE ACT OF THE PASS
Gingerly hold the joint with enough room for the person you’re handing it to so they can take it without burning their fingers. A good rule of thumb, before you get to roach-zone, is to hold it directly in the middle of the joint. You won’t touch the ruby and the person taking it from you can grab the opposite end.
A joint or pipe is not a dick. Keep it dry, player.
A “pop-in” is a Seinfeldian term for someone coming over unannounced. It also applies to the weird person who wants to jump in on a joint rotation for “just, like, one hit”. If you see three or four partygoers splitting one joint, and you’re not the kind of person who is trying to get stoned, why would you insert yourself into the group? All you’re doing is taking a precious toke out of the lungs of someone who is actively trying to space out. This might seem ridiculous to those who don’t get baked often but there are plenty of reasons we stoners are chiefing blasters in public (most likely because everyone at the party sucks and once we inhale that magical spliff we’re not going to care and also hey there are Doritos on that table).
A lot of times you’ll see a pipe passed to someone and they’ll hold their Bic to the mouthpiece to sanitize whatever godawful disease you’ve undoubtedly spewed all over it in your partaking of the marijuana fun. This is rude. As fuck. I understand that some people are germaphobes but if you’re one of those people what in God’s name are you doing sharing drugs with strangers? If their weed is good enough to inhale then don’t insult them by assuming they’re contagious freaks. Obviously you shouldn’t involve yourself in a Joints Chief of Stash meeting with someone with apparent herpes but you’re probably going to smash faces later with a drunk person whose sexual history is a complete shrouded mystery to you so, whatever, fuck it dog, life’s a cyst.
That’s about it. You should know all of this already, especially if you’re out of college, but a healthy reminder is sometimes appropriate. And if you’re from Des Moines or somewhere with vastly different terms for all of this just keep them to yourself. I don’t care about whatever weird words you choose for your weed sharing practices, just don’t be an dick about it and pass that joint already.