In the magical, mystical hellmouth of Broward County, Florida (Oh Christ, isn’t it always?), patriotic citizens are uniting for a cause. The cause of preventing children across the land from being immediately converted to Islam, by virtue of having a couple of Muslim holidays off a year. Like they do with the other religious holidays that a lot of people might be absent for. Because if there is anything that a decent, All-American child hates, it is having days off of school for holidays they don’t have to do anything for.
The school district contends that the reason why kids get religious holidays off in the first place is due to high absenteeism rates on religious holidays, not due to support of a particular religion. The fact that 7% of the population is, in fact, Islamic, may have something to do with this. Which is obviously just crazy talk, according to Tea Party Activist Danita Kilcullen, who clearly sees that this is “just another step towards the Islamification of our children.” You know, like when yours truly was converted to Judaism when we got Rosh Hashanna off, and then to Christianity after Christmas break every school year. And like today, when I magically became a Veteran!
These patriots are way concerned, of course, about this being just the slippery step needed for Sharia Law to infiltrate the whole country. Which is totally a thing in danger of happening. At any moment now. Just as soon as we all figure out what it is.
****I would just like to note right now that I checked the Broward County Wikipedia page and that two of the schools under their Colleges and Universities section were “Devry University” and “The University of Phoenix”… and then I died. I felt like kind of a terrible person about it, but seriously, I kind of died.****