If there’s one thing the internet loves it’s a good internet sensation. After planking finally started to die out the internet was so sad to see it go that it tried hard to send up replacement sensations—there was owling, batmaning, headless horsemaning (which admittedly took the cake on creativity). None of these were quite the phenomenon planking was, but now the internet is giddy about a new trend it’s chomping at the bit to declare the new planking: milking.
What is milking? It’s pouring a bunch of milk over your head, while fully clothed, in public.
Nevermind that the entire “sensation” seems to stem from one video from a few teenagers in Newcastle that’s hardly gone viral—this is going to be huge! So says the Guardian and The Sun. No no, it is huge—after the video a few college kids dumped milk on themselves at a protest in London! No, you can’t see it, but trust me, it is a teenage pandemic of wackiness! It’s taking over the internet!
I guess I’m skeptical that this new “trend” is a trend beyond a few British hooligans for two reasons—most cultural memes have a couple things that make them viral: One, they don’t cost anything to do other than a second of your time and some creativity. And two, they’re executed quickly and without consequence, letting the prankster go about his day.
Milking is neither of these—it requires going out of your way to spend money on milk (as we see in this “sensational” video with under 100,000 views) and it requires soiling yourself in milk that will quickly dry, smell disgusting, and ruin your day.
Oh gullible internet—you’ve been fooled by teenagers again! Take a look at the biggest new thing that wasn’t below.