“Heene Boyz” might sound like the sort of thing you’d blurt out if you sat on your keys but it’s actually what is being called the world’s youngest metal band, and their singer / guitarist Falcon Heene has somewhat of a checkered past. He’s the kid who, at six years old back in 2009, was alleged to have floated away in a weather balloon. It sparked a flurry of news reports until it was found that the whole thing was a hoax. Now he’s back. He’s 9. And he’s releasing songs like this one, called “Candy Cane” because, well, just watch it:
And then there’s the Dio-sounding “Latte Vampiress” which is (naturally) about drinking hot coffee with even hotter babes (I just wrote that sentence):
Of course, it would be wrong of me to rip on this kid. He’s 9. But maybe being the “Balloon Boy” wasn’t enough for Falcon – perhaps it was all just a way to get out his hair metal fantasy band (which is, frankly, not bad for a band with the average age of 10 years old.)
Although, after some internet sleuthing, it becomes clear that Falcon perhaps is being groomed by his folks to keep doing these videos. After all: what kind of (then) 6 year-old would use the term ‘pussification’ at the start of a YouTube video?
This is, of course, the same family who were on “Wife Swap” a few years back and seemingly will do anything to be famous including hoaxing the country into thinking their kid was stuck in a balloon. It may be a Tuesday afternoon two weeks before Christmas and thus a relatively slow news cycle, but it bears to mind: can someone, be it a family or otherwise, be “famous” now just because they want to be? If the noise is loud enough, do we have to listen? This isn’t a Von Trapp family with talents we’re talking about here… this is a bored family from Colorado with a failed stand-up comic as a father who seemingly can’t turn the camera’s off for a few seconds to actually raise his children to become normal.
The Heene Boyz are just another extension of that. To be honest: there’s some promise there. But I hope that Falcon Heene et al are doing this because they want to and not just because their Dad wants another 15 minutes of fame. After all, this is the Dad that would bring his children storm chasing with him. He can’t possibly be behind this very ’80s-era Black Sabbath sounding children’s band venture, can he?