Eye-ball licking: The trendy new way to get pink-eye (in Japan)

Eye-ball licking: The trendy new way to get pink-eye (in Japan)

Jun 14, 2013

True story– a dude licked my eyeball once. Not in any kind of sexy-time way, mind you. He was gay and it was in the middle of a coffee shop, and I forget most of the circumstances involved. I mostly just remember that he was really sure that it was a super good time. It was super horrifying and terrible and I probably almost died, because I have a thing about eyeballs to begin with.

Now, I didn’t die. And I also did not contract conjunctivitis or eye chlamydia, which is what all these Japanese kids are getting as oculolinctus replaces Hello Kitty and pillow girlfriends as the hot new trend sweeping the nation.

FYI, you should totally not Google image search eye chlamydia. Google image searching eye chlamydia this morning was the worst idea I’ve ever had in my life.

The fad, it seems, was spawned from a music video from this one Japanese emo band called Born– and now it’s considered to be as par for the course for teenagers as like, makin’ out and touching some boobs or something. Except touching boobs will not make you get eye chlamydia or result in you going blind (unless you’re doing it like… really wrong). In fact, they should probs make a PSA in Japan that says exactly that.

Now, eyeball sexing has its supporters. Apparently there are a bunch of nerve endings in your eyes and some people think it feels like a good time. I can tell you, from that one time that dude licked my eyeball, that it is basically the most horrid thing I have ever experienced in my life. Also, unlike other sexual acts and fetishes, there is literally no way to do it safely.

Let’s hope it doesn’t catch on here, because I don’t ever want to have to look at eye chlamydia again.


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