Florida man attacks mom’s boyfriend with Samurai sword over missing can of shrimp
You can bang my ma. You can wear pa’s old robe. But, under no circumstances, can you snatch the canned shrimp.
In Volusia County, Florida, on Saturday morning, 34-year-old Jayson Laughman (mugshot above) took a necessary stand against his mother’s boyfriend, 52-year-old Michael Airhart, when the former noticed a can of shrimp (ew) missing from the pantry.
Upon discovering the missing can of shrimp (again, gross), Laughman didn’t play detective for long. Assuming Airhart caused the can of fish to disappear, Laughman stepped up to Airhart in total ass-beating mode. But what should have been a swift and resolute method to this dubious food item exacerbated quickly when the alleged canned-shrimp-eating culprit, Airhart, told the kid to take it outside.
That’s right: A neighborhood brawl over canned shrimp for all the hamlet to see. Well, that’s about when police got involved.
From the Orlando Sentinel:
Laughman threatened Airhart with a statue, but the fight outside did not escalate past that, according to the report.
Thinking the fight was over, Airhart returned to his bedroom with Laughman’s mother.
The couple was watching television when Laughman started breaking through the bedroom door with a Samurai style metal sword, the report said.
Once inside the bedroom, Laughman made threats that he would use the sword to hurt Airhart, deputies say.
Luckily for the man pokin’ his old lady, he escaped through a sliding glass door; unfortunately for Laughman, a diabetic, he began to complain over chest pains. (ed. note: Canned shrimp is pretty salty.) The assailant was taken to the hospital by medics. Police charged him with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Still no word on the missing canned shrimp.