[Random Celebrity] SLAMS the Kardashians: 'I don't know why they're famous!'

[Random Celebrity] SLAMS the Kardashians: ‘I don’t know why they’re famous!’

Sep 10, 2013

I read the news like it’s my job– mostly because it is my job. Well, a reasonable chunk of it at least. This includes gossip blogs, and one thing that I notice about the gossip blogs lately is that at least once a week, someone is SLAMMING The Kardashians by saying they’re not sure why they’re famous, or something like that. Apparently Anna Wintour SLAMMED Kim Kardashian by not wanting to publish her baby pictures in Vogue– which seems fair to me, since who buys Vogue to look at baby pictures anyway? Then Katie Couric SLAMMED the Kardashians by saying she didn’t know why they were famous or who watched their show. There have also been others, but they all blur together for me, really.

Then, today, for some reason, there was an article on Radar about supermodel Janice Dickinson SLAMMING the Kardashians in an interview with the site, specifically focused on how Janice Dickinson feels about the Kardashians calling themselves “The First Family of Reality Television.”

Ok. I liked Janice Dickinson on ANTM– in the way that she was festively insane and made for good television. I get that she’s in some dude I’ve never heard of’s music video now. But like, why is anyone dragging Janice Dickinson out of the woodwork exclusively, it seems, to solicit her opinion on The Kardashians?

Whom, by the way, she does not care for.

tumblr mohio0j8lj1rdu135o1 500 [Random Celebrity] SLAMS the Kardashians: I dont know why theyre famous!

Is this just a thing now? Does everyone in the world need to weigh in on this issue? I mean, what does Tiffany Brissette, who played Vicki the Robot on TV’s “Small Wonder” think of The Kardashians? What would Noam Chomsky say about their Sears fashion line? Does Queen Silvia of Sweden watch “Kourtney and Khloe?”

I’m really not sure how “not knowing why The Kardashians are famous” is exactly a “slam.” Is it insulting the integrity of The Kardashians, who may believe that they are famous for some completely valid reason that they have yet to reveal to the rest of us? Do they even know why they’re famous?

I mean, I don’t think anyone is 100% sure why they’re famous, or who it is that finds them so particularly compelling. I mean, it’s something we all wonder about, as a people. You know, like, “Do you see the same color blue I see? Or is what I see as blue the color you see as red?” or “Why is that one shoe all by itself on the sidewalk? How did it get there? Did someone just walk home with one shoe on?”

Yeah, OK. The “reason” they’re famous is because the one did a sex tape with Ray J, and the dad was one of OJ Simpson’s lawyer, and the other dad did sports things in the Olympics. And then they got a reality show, and clearly, some people whom none of us have ever interacted with personally, very much enjoyed it. I don’t know. It could be completely brilliant.

I wouldn’t know, because I have never seen any of their 85,000 shows. I could not, in a million years, tell you who they all are or which one is which or who they’re dating or what they want out of life. Not because I’m all “OH, I only listen to NPR and never watch trashy TV,” mind you. I’ll have you know, I was like the world’s biggest “Passions” fan, and I regularly watch “Honey Boo Boo” and “Amish Mafia” and I used to watch ANTM religiously, but gave it up when the J’s left. I just… I don’t know. Never got around to The Kardashians, I guess.

I feel like the “problem” (not a real problem) with these articles is that like, you can pretty much ask anyone in the whole world what they think of The Kardashians, and they will tell you the exact same thing. You can make an article like that about literally anybody. It’s practically a trope now. Discussions about the cultural relevancy of The Kardashians now kind of belong in the Catskills at this point, along with jokes about airplane food and long lines at the DMV.

To be fair, The Kardashians are technically famous for the exact same reason Janice Dickinson is famous. Because they’re pretty and people like looking at pretty people. In fact, that is why most people are famous today. It’s why we have a barrage of “professional singers” who can’t actually sing. It’s why half of the “reality shows” on television are just a bunch of good looking people thrown together in a room and then filmed going about their daily lives and bickering with one another.

Perhaps if we can stop trying to figure out what it is that they’re supposed to be, they’ll just go away. And then we can go and find someone else who’s done a sex tape with a marginally famous person and make them famous, and start the cycle all over again. Because this is America.

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