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The ultimate list of ‘Girls’ quotes: Words of questionable wisdom

Jan 8, 2014

Season three of “Girls” starts on January 12th. Sure, it can be some of the most self-important, indulgent shiz you will ever see but it’s also the best and most realistic portrayal of millennial angst ever to be committed to the small screen. Dunham’s Hannah Horvath, in all her charm and neurosis, is like Tony Soprano but for a younger generation. It’s like a little indie movie every week and since the fall of “Boardwalk Empire” it stands alone as the greatest show HBO currently has to offer.

The much loved/ loathed half-hour comedy also showcases some of the best dialogue and line delivery on television. Everything Shoshanna says is gold and every interaction between Hannah and Elijah is perfect.

Behold: The best quotes from the first two seasons of “Girls.”

HANNAH

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On personal achievement:

“I could be a drug addict. Do you know how lucky you are?”

“I have work. I have a dinner thing. And then I am busy… trying to become who I am.”

“I don’t want to freak you out but I think that I might be the voice of my generation. Or at least a voice of a generation.”

“I realize I’m not different. I want what everyone wants. I want what they all want. I want all the things. I just want to be happy.”

On friendship and relationships:

“When I look at both of you, a Coldplay song plays in my heart.”

“You’re a really good friend and you threw a really good abortion.”

“I hate everyone who loves me.”

“She’s always liking my Facebook statuses. It’s such a weird aggressive move. It’s like, oh sorry I passed you an STD, but I enjoy your quirky web presence.”

“Oh, hello you fucker. Are you kidding me? Where did you go and who am I supposed to talk to if you won’t answer your fucking phone? That anorexic Marnie? Fucking Shoshanna? Or my stalker ex-boyfriend? It’s not like any of them want to talk to me. I don’t blame them, because I cut off all my fucking hair! And now you’re off somewhere, just living it up, wearing a crop top, you probably got your vagina pierced, you’re not answering your phone and you’re forgetting about everyone who’s fucking it up here. So I hope you’re having a great time. Love you!”

“And you did that and you looked me in the eyes again and again and you lied to me with your eyes and you said to me by not saying anything that you’d done nothing.”

“He’s not a junkie, you were misinformed. He’s clean and he’s basically my guardian angel.”

“Ok. First of all that wasn’t sex. You came in my thigh crease.”

“How can I be manipulating you if I don’t even know I’m manipulative?”

“No one could ever hate me as much as I hate myself, okay? So any mean thing someone’s gonna think of to say about me, I’ve already said to me, about me, probably in the last half hour.”

MARNIE

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On her insufferable boyfriend:

“You should be able to go about your business, piss me off, and not give a fuck. It’s what men do.”

“You look scary to to me. Like Mickey Mouse without the ears.”

On tardiness:

“Um… Hey, you’re pregnant when you don’t wanna be, so you might wanna show up to your own abortion.”

On Adam, Hannah’s on-again off-again boyfriend:

“Yeah well enjoy going through life as… yourself.”

On her former employer:

“She’s not great at living.”

On life and commitment:

“I’m fine. I’m really good actually and sometimes feeling really good all the time feels really bad. But I’m on journey. It’s my journey and I’m ok. So please don’t pity me.”

“I want you. I know I’m a mess but I want you. I want to see you every morning and I want to make you a snack every night and eventually I want to have your little brown babies and I want to watch you die.”

JESSA

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On relationship columns and doggy style:

“What if I want to focus on something else? What if I want to feel like I have udders? This woman doesn’t care about what I want.”

On people dancing at a party:

“Though I do love the man who only hangs out with dikes. Look at them. They’re fawning all over him like he owns a Home Depot.”

On helping Shoshanna after she accidentally smoked crack:

“I will be your crack spirit guide.”

On losers:

“I’ll bet you were born on a dirt floor… It means I don’t think you’re cool and that your mother was poor.”

On Hannah:

“It’s like you’ve come this far… Wash your forehead.”

On her husband (whom she later divorced):

“I tell people you were a test tube baby just to give you a little edge.”

On Hannah’s ebook:

“This book doesn’t matter. That’s the first thing you need to know. It’s not going to matter to the people who read it. Or to you.”

SHOSHANNA

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On enthusiasm:

“A little bird told me you were getting a std test. Fun!”

“I am so happy to see you, I could murder you.”

“I believe that I could be much more awesome in kickboxing class, like maybe I could move toward the front and people would follow me.”

On Ray:

“Fine. Just stay out of my emotional way.”

On Everyone:

“Everyone’s a dumb whore.”

On losing her virginity:

“I may be deflowered but I’m not devalued.”

Bonus quotes from the dudes of ‘Girls’:

RAY

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On the right work wardrobe:

“Hannah, you’re wearing a white dress. Okay? You’re essentially begging the world to fuck with you. Do you understand that? You’re daring a homeless person to wipe their blood on your breasts. This isn’t a consumptive women’s hospital. We don’t wear aprons. No. Okay? Forget all the BBC you watch at home with your cats and pick out an appropriate outfit.”

On solidarity:

“I don’t like it when you ass-fuck my friend in the heart.”

On Shoshanna”

“You vibrate on a very strange frequency.”

“When you just send my a text that’s all emojis it’s very easy to dismiss you… A panda, next to a gun, next to wrapped gift… It makes no sense.”

On writers: “

“Usually when people say they want to be a writer they really don’t want to do anything except you know eat and masturbate.”

ELIJAH

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On cocaine:

“You’ve never done coke before so let me explain something. This is not going to be a night of driving around in your mom’s Volvo with a bottle of cough syrup and a box of cold McNuggets.”

“Let’s have the type of night where it’s 5 am and one of us has definitely punched someone who’s been on a Disney channel show.”

ADAM

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On readings:

“Readings are bullshit. I’ve never been to a reading where I didn’t want to strangle the fucking person reading.”

On satisfaction:

“I came. You came hard. We all laughed.”

On Hannah:

“Maybe I should have taken a restraining order out against you when you used to show up to my place in knees socks… And a Jason mask!”

“As a man, living my man-life, my desire for you cannot be repressed and to quit this pursuit would be to shirk self-respect and abandon my own manhood.”

On clarity:

“When I broke up with my girlfriend from college- So sad. I lost 30 pounds, and I couldn’t move or talk or get my dick hard. But, it also made me go, “Hey. Who am I and what do I want?” And then I was like boom. I know who I am. I wanted to switch majors, and buy a circular saw, and I promised myself that I’d follow my gut, no matter what. And I do what makes me feel good.”

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