Despite fervent protests from women and gay men around the world, a bunch of bros are going ahead with an insidious plan to make a “Jem and the Holograms” movie. UGH. The Hollywood Reporter announced their casting plans on Thursday. Behold, I guess:
In her first major film role, Nashville actress Aubrey Peeples has been cast as the lead, Jem, in the live-action Jem and the Holograms film, which is being directed by Jon M. Chu.
The Holograms have also been cast: Stefanie Scott, who starred on Disney’s A.N.T. Farm, will play Jem’s sister, Kimber; Pretty Little Liars actress Aurora Perrineau will play Shana; and The Fosters ‘ Hayley Kiyoko has been cast as Aja.
They got the names right but not much else. If you need a refresher on the terrible plot, in this version Jem is a YouTube singing sensation, and she and the Holograms go on a “music-driven” road trip scavenger hunt to find something her father left her after he died. Which, I’m just going to guess, is not Synergy.
My feelings on this can really only be expressed by The Misfits.
The whole thing is wrong on multiple levels. For one, it appears as though the monsters writing this thing have absolutely no damn idea what Jem was even about other than “Oh, it’s about a girl band and the lead singer has a secret identity. Like Hannah Montana!” One of the producers, Scooter Braun, is the dude who invented Justin Bieber!
Christy Marx, who wrote the series, has not been consulted! There aren’t any women whatsoever involved with this! Not only that, but there’s no “Synergy,” no actual holograms, no magic earrings and as far as I can tell, no Misfits. And how is Jerrica supposed to go on a cross-country road trip to find treasure when she has the Starlight Orphanage to take care of?
There is literally no reason to bring “Jem and The Holograms” into this. It could just as easily be about a new random fictional girl band, but obviously the producers want to capitalize on the nostalgic love women have for the series. Which is crap.
This may sound dickish, but I really don’t want a bunch of heterosexual male venture capitalists making a movie about “Jem and The Holograms.” They didn’t grow up with the series and thus have no emotional attachment to it the way many women and queer men do.
So here is my better idea: The people of America deserve a real “Jem” movie. I propose that Christy Marx, along with devoted fans– such as myself and Chicago author and drag personality Tim Jones-Yelvington–write a glorious and true-to-the-series “Jem” movie, perhaps starring my gal pal Miss Pandora Boxx of RuPaul’s Drag Race fame. It will be the “Jem and The Holograms” movie that we all need and deserve, and it will have freaking magic hologram inducing earrings. So there.