bad idea

PSA: Maybe don’t share your list of 80 dating dealbreakers on the internet?

Jul 25, 2014

Dealbreakers! We all have them. Many of them are important, but a lot of them are weird and overly specific based on bad experiences we’ve had in the past. Mostly these are just things we share with our friends, like “Ugh, promise me you will never let me date another drummer!” and whatnot.

I confess! As a pathological list-maker, I have several old lists of “dealbreakers” concocted during marathon diner-sitting chainsmoking sessions with my friends in college. Most of these include dumb criteria like “Must like tomatoes!” and “Should be left-handed” and “Likes horror movies and ALSO ‘Harold and Maude’” along with normal stuff like “Must be hilarious,” “Not a Republican” and “Not a bigot” and “Does not do ‘gay voice’ impressions.”

In later years, I’ve learned that some stuff—like being funny and not being a bigot—is obviously important, but that I can, in fact, deal with someone not liking tomatoes. Even though I still think it’s weird, because tomatoes are delicious.

As dumb as that was, at the very least I had the brains to not share those lists with anyone but my girlfriends. However, not everyone has the best judgment as far as these things go. Like this fella from OKCupid who had the poor taste to post his list of around 80 dealbreakers to his profile. He messaged Tumblr user baskauskas, and she posted the list to her page over a year ago, but it’s achieving some sort of beautiful rebirth and virality just now.

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Now, it’s great to know what one wants in a relationship. TO A DEGREE. Many of these things I would even agree with wholeheartedly, such as no dating of Holocaust deniers, although I think that goes for most people. I think it can be healthy to write lists like these, even, as an exercise.

But for the love of god, a list that long and detailed is something you should really keep to yourself and not share with anyone ever. The sheer length of it screams “STAY AWAY, FOR I AM KIND OF NUTS.”

I realize that the internet has blurred the difference between personal and public, and that it’s sometimes hard to tell what you should and should not share with people. I have to tell you–this is one of those things you should maybe just keep to yourself.

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