According to Laurence Fishburne’s daughter, Montana, the best way to get your name in lights is releasing an old-fashioned sex tape. Want the respect of advertisers, a clothing store, maybe a show on “E!”? Just get railed on camera and release it to the public. “I watched how Kim Kardashian became [famous] and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape.”
Welcome to the Kim Kardashian school of fame, where a bad sex tape with Brandy’s kid brother can give you the keys to the entertainment industry. Montana Fishburne’s decision here is a curious one to say the least.
In some ways she is right—a sex tape can skyrocket the fame of female celebrities. Look at the careers of Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton, and Kim Kardashian, for example. None of these celebrities have a career, per se. Anderson won the “Worst New Star” Razzie Award her performance in “Barbed Wire.” Hilton recently won the Razzie Award for “Worst Actress of the Decade.” And Kardashian is best known for having a huge ass.
I’m not going out on a limb in saying they don’t have any real talent other riding a dick on camera. But somehow, some way, it has helped their careers. Granted Hilton and Kardashian are from famous families. Paris is an heir to the Hilton hotel empire and Kim’s pops helped acquit O.J. Simpson of murdering his wife. Pamela had Hugh Hefner’s help.
Chippy D also has a famous father, who played Morpheus, and whom I’m guessing isn’t a big fan of this matter. How can a dad be OK with their 19-year-old kid getting it on on camera, even if she considers this a calculated career decision? When Laurence Fishburne was 18, he made a name for himself by appearing in “Apocalypse Now.” That was a career decision.
Also I have a big problem with the name Chippy D. There is nothing sexy about it at all, in fact it’s downright frightening. It sounds like she’s going chip your dick on her teeth, which should make the collective male population cringe in pain.
Don’t get me wrong, porn is great—it’s the life blood of the Internet, and a great procrastination tool. But it should not be the source of legitimate fame for talentless women with working vaginas. Porn should be for girls with daddy issues and drug problems trying to pay off their college loans. You know, fucking on camera for wholesome reasons.
This should give future fathers everywhere nightmares. “But Daddy if I release my porn tape with Johnny I’ll start making $20,000 a tweet and get a date with Reggie Bush!”
This all just adds to my lack of desire to have daughters.
UPDATE: Today is Laurence Fishburne’s 49th Birthday. Wow, what a thoughtful present.
