Roald Dahl: High-Flying, Sex-Having Children’s Author

“Danny, The Champion of the World” was written by Roald Dahl, the champion of high-society sex.

Roald Dahl, the famed children’s author whose books were recently adapted to film by directors Tim Burton and Wes Anderson, was a spy and had lots sex while he was spying. Why is this news? Because it’s hilarious.

Dahl, who has sold more than 100 million books, created plenty of characters that are touchstones for children and authors, as there would be no Harry Potter without Matilda.

A new autobiography by Donald Sturrock brings to light Dahl’s hedonic past. Dahl was a British spy who laid tons of pipe in America. Congresswoman, oil baronesses — the works.

This is relevant for two reasons. First, last month’s Russian spies were insanely boring. Where was the sex and the booze and the killing? Oh, right — it was being handled by a man who suggested parents put crazy glue on their children’s fingers to keep them from picking their noses.

Second, Americans love re-imagining dead cultural icons, especially when they seem pure. For instance, when guys like Bill Clinton or Richard Branson die, how much shocking information will be released? They’re openly sex-crazed and have survived more than their fair share of scandal. Al Roker, Seinfeld — these are the guys you want dying, just for the post-death juice.

What’s transpired is the the story of lascivious spy turned children’s book author. Sounds like something that would make a great movie — something Roald Dahl’s name has unfortunately not been attached to in quite some time.