Alabama councilman says God told him to ban saggy pants
Frank Goodman, a city councilman in Dadeville, Alabama, is a man on a mission. His target? Snapping the cold, hard suspenders of justice onto the sagging pants of young men everywhere.
Speaking with the Daily Beast, Goodman uttered a series of delightful quotes about his reasoning behind pushing for a “saggy pants ordinance.” Chief among Goodman’s complaints are that sagging pants are “disrespectful,” a bad example to kids, and they prevent the saggers from getting jobs. Oh and the sag forces them into a bowlegged, cowboy-like gait that the councilman finds offensive.
“Seeing the young boys with pants hanging down, having to walk wide-legged, holding their pants up to keep them from falling down—now it’s gotten real bad,” Goodman said. “It’s something I couldn’t take no more.”
So Goodman dialed up his best friend God for a gab sesh. Despite wildfires currently destroying California the Big Man apparently had time to take the call and talk fashion faux-pas. So would God sag? Or would He rain angry blasts of frog upon the saggers?
“I prayed and asked God to show me what I should do, and the way I should go about it,” Goodman said. “What would God do? Did God go around doing this?”
God apparently confided to his BFF Goodman that sagging was a major fashion don’t that he would never be caught practicing. Can you picture God’s pants though? They must be amazing.
“I prayed about this. I know that God would not go around with pants down,” said Goodman.
Another councilman, Stephanie Kelley, said that, in her opinion, any law banning saggy pants should also ban short skirts and short shorts.
“My comment was if they are going to point at the guys, they should point at the girls too,” Kelley said. “When you got on short shorts or a short skirt, leaving nothing to the imagination… it’s like you’re advertising.”
Make up your minds, paleoconservatives! Are our pants to high or too low?
