Roger Clemens clearly missed the boat on some of the great PSA’s of the ’80s.

Sure, Latter-Day Saints and Jahova’s Wittnesses have always been creepy. But you gotta hand it to them—they dominated the public service announcement market in the ’80s.

Sure, the ’80s saw the onset of a great many world problems, AIDS being the chief disaster of the time. But that was mostly for Africans and homosexuals—these religious groups had a different target problem in mind: liars.

And who knew Latter-Day Saints would have such a penchant for musical theater? The LDS employed a narrative flair and catchy tunes to teach a generation of kids not to lie.

Unfortunately, Roger Clemens was not among this generation. Already a full-grown man in the ’80s, Clemens obviously missed the boat on a childhood filled with wonderfully informative PSAs that encouraged younger kids not to lie (and to be Mormons).

Clemens today pleaded not guilty to charges that he lied under oath before Congress in 2008, likely committing the dreaded “compound lie” so effectively warned against in the Mormon PSA: “When you tell one lie, it leads to another, so you tell two lies to cover each other, then you tell three lies and, oh brother, you’re in trouble up to your ears!”

In all likelihood Clemens is lying, and would have done well to heed the advice of the Latter-Day Saints (or anyone with any common sense). Maybe he’ll get to redeem himself by appearing in his own PSA as a cautionary tale on of these days.

But if he’s going to do that, he’s apparently going to have to learn to sing: