Kid learns the hard way not to buy weed on Instagram
A naive young stoner received a harsh lesson in the ways of the world recently when his attempts to buy weed via Instagram resulted in a very expensive bag of grass clippings. Or at least, that’s what a video of mysterious origins would imply.
In the video, a pre-pubescent sounding boy rages against the injustice of it all after finding out that the weed he bought from an Instagram account whose name he can’t even remember is actually just a bunch of grass clippings and one “tiny ass” bag of weed:
Kid: Look at this shit. Whatever your fucking Instagram name is, you sold me grass. You gave me four sacks of grass and one tiny ass gram of weed.
But it gets worse. As his friend notes, the tiny ass bag does not contain weed either, but leaves of a different, presumably non-intoxicating plant:
Friend: That’s not even weed, that’s leaves.
This sets him off further, and he wishes the mortal sin of suicide upon the digital charlatan who’s made a rube out of him:
Kid: That’s fuckin’ leaves? Go kill yourself, dude.
Let this be a lesson to all you young founders out there: Unless you’re some sort of dark web genius who knows how to mine Bitcoin and safely use whatever has replaced the Silk Road, do not attempt to buy weed through the Internet. I know you’re a digital native or whatever, but in matters such as these, the best course of action is still to find the kid at your school who sells weed and whippets, go over to his house after his parents go to bed, give him your lunch money, hang out with him for an uncomfortably long period of time, and then, finally, enjoy the greatest schwag your suburban town has to offer. If you want to incorporate technology into the process, I’m sure there’s an app that will convincingly simulate an angry call from your mom. If not, well, someone had better get on it ASAP. You can have that one for free, founders.