Forlorn Jeb Bush pleads with apathetic audience: ‘Please clap’
Jeb Bush, once thought to be the sure winner of the Republican presidential nomination but who more recently spent a whopping $2,888 per vote he received in the Iowa Caucus only to come in sixth place, is in dire straits. It’s hard to watch, folks. We already thought he’d hit rock bottom when he admitted on camera that his campaign was a total failure, but now it’s worse. It’s so much worse.
At a town hall near the Vermont border Tuesday, Bush literally had to beg his utterly indifferent crowd to applause after his speech.
“My pledge to you, I will be a commander-in-chief that will have the back of the military,” Bush said. “I won’t trash talk, I won’t be a divider-in-chief or an agitator-in-chief. I won’t be out there blow-harding, talking a big game without backing it up.
“I think the next president needs to be a lot quieter, but send a signal that we’re prepared to act in the national security interest of this country,” he added. “To get back in the business of creating a more peaceful world.”
Bush waited a beat for the applause that was sure to come, but like everything else in his campaign, it never materialized. He eventually had to plead with the audience, asking them to “Please clap.”
One can imagine the breakdown of thoughts in Bush’s head, millisecond by millisecond, during that awful silence that greeted his remarks:
.1 milliseconds after: Yeah was pretty good, Jeb. Iowa may not have turned out the way we wanted, but we can still fire up a crowd when we need to.
.2 milliseconds after: Oh no.
.3 milliseconds after: Nobody’s clapping.
.4 milliseconds after: Oh no.
.5 milliseconds after: This is bad.
.6 milliseconds after: Maybe they don’t realize they’re supposed to clap?
.7 milliseconds after: Who are you kidding, Jeb. They know they’re supposed to clap. They just don’t care. Look at that kid in the blue and striped polo. He can’t even bother to sit up straight and look interested. What are you doing, Jeb? Who are you trying to prove. It’s over. It was over before it started.
.8 milliseconds after: Just whose fucking idea was it to put a goddamn exclamation point in the logo anyways. I should have that guy killed.
.9 milliseconds after: CLAP. CLAP. YOU KNOW YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO CLAP. STOP IT! STOP TORTURING ME! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?! I HOPE THOSE PSYCHOTIC DESPOTS TRUMP OR CRUZ DO GET ELECTED AND THEY SEND YOU ALL TO THE FUCKING GAS CHAMBERS, YOU SLACK-JAWED YOKELS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING IN VERMONT ANYWAYS? AREN’T YOU ALL GOING TO VOTE FOR THAT SOCIALIST JEW BASTARD ANYWAYS?! FUCK!!!
One second after: Ugh. I guess this is it.
Time to put this guy out of his misery.
[h/t Raw Story]