Drew Carey Makes Us Reevaluate No Moore Carbs
Fat guys getting slim isn’t anything new, but when you’re a famous fat guy who gets slim it’s pretty relevant. Drew Carey shows us how much better he is to look at, and makes us wish the same for Michael Moore.
I know you were all up at 9 a.m. this morning to catch “The Price Is Right” season 39 premiere, so you shouldn’t even have to guess where this is going. But in case you aren’t my grandma or a quadriplegic then you might be wondering what everyone is raving about.
Drew Carey debuted his new skinny bod ya’ll!
As the predecessor to Bob Parker, an obvious result of a being a loser, Carey, the once fat dork on “The Drew Carey Show” dropped 80 pounds and now looks remarkably like Larry King.
In an interview with People Magazine Carey said, “I like being skinny. I was sick of being fat on camera.” Good for you, Drew Carey.
As a result of his weight loss he is no longer a type II diabetic and says that he’ll be able to watch his fiancé’s five-year-old son grow up. That’s a little dramatic, seeing as he wasn’t obese like Mimi Carey (Kathy Kinney), but I get where he’s going with this.
So now that Carey has kicked the sleep apnea and joined the extra-skin club with John Popper and Subway’s poster boy, Jared Fogle, who should be next to slim down?
I vote Jabba the Hutt’s twin brother, Michael Moore. Just kidding Michael, I didn’t mean that, I’m just concerned.
As a major voice for the Democratic party and the kryptonite to all things Bill O’Reilly, Michael Moore needs to ditch the crustache, the baseball cap and the second, third and fourth chin.
With the November Senatorial elections approaching, Democrats are worried that the Republicans are going to win the majority party. If things turn for the worse on November 2 nothing is going to say, “Fine, you win” like Michael Moore wheezing through a megaphone on Capitol Hill.
Moore’s most recent low point for being fat happened recently on “Real Time With Bill Maher” when he went on to defend the mosque near Ground Zero.
He joked, “Hey, how about that McDonald’s two blocks from Ground Zero, Bill? That’s killed more people than the 19 hijackers.”
Okay, you’re definitely not allowed to make jokes about fast-food restaurants killing people when you’re over 300lbs. That’d be like Charles Manson joking about Roman Polanski getting arrested, only not as funny.
My point is, is that if Moore wants to be the pithy undercutting leftist that he strives to be he needs to legitimize his standing by ditching the FUPA and cleaning up.
This is not to say that skinniness denotes intelligence or political standing, but I can at least feel as though a person takes themselves seriously when they don’t have pit stains and asthma.
Michael Moore should know, however, that he isn’t alone in being undermined by physical appearance. Take Glenn Beck, for instance, who looks like Porky Pig or Ann Coulter who’s so skinny she resembles Skeletor, but that could just be because she’s a bitch.
Point is, Moore needs to learn from Carey and stop eating carbs. He also needs to shower and stop wearing oversized T-shirts, but we’ll save that for another election year.