Trump says he wasn’t in ‘that room’ long enough for a piss tape to be made

When news first broke of the raw intel report alleging that Russia may have Donald Trump on tape commanding prostitutes to urinate on a bed the Obamas had once slept in, the president-elect naturally felt the need to issue a denial and an alibi. (“Too much of a germaphobe.”) Now Trump has another reason why there couldn’t possibly be a tape of him commissioning a golden shower: He didn’t spend enough time in the hotel room.

In an interview with Fox in which the word “leaker” was said a hilarious number of times, the president-elect once again addressed the rumors of intimate footage being held over his head by Russia. Please note the question he was responding to concerned the charge that CIA head John Brennan was the one who leaked the dossier, not the specifics of the blackmail material:

“It’s made up. Never existed. Never happened. And the reason I say that so strongly because nothing is ever going to show up. There’s never going to be a tape that shows up. There’s never going to be anything that shows up. Now, I would be very embarrassed if a tape actually showed up, saying something like that. It would be double embarrassed because I’m saying there is no tape. There is no event. I was never even in that room for that period of time.

Which begs the question: How long does it take to piss on a bed?

According to Discover Magazine, all mammals take an average of 21 seconds to empty their bladders, regardless of size. It takes less than a minute to remove one’s clothes, and less than a minute to put them back on again. Assuming they were seasoned professionals who knew what they were there to do, the whole thing could have been over with in under three minutes, give or take a few for Trump to boast to them about his skull size.

Of course, it’s more likely Trump was saying he wasn’t in “that room” for the period of time when the tape was allegedly made (2013), which makes more sense. (And seems like something toilet bloggers can, and will, check on.) Still, if he wants us to forget about this particular allegation, he should stop bringing it up every chance he gets.

[Photo: Getty]