Donald Trump has yet another abortion of a handshake

Donald Trump committed yet another crime against handshakes Friday when he welcomed Japan’s Prime Minster Shinzō Abe to D.C. with his longest and least graceful attempt at manual contact since he last grabbed a woman by the wherever.

Things started out normally enough when Trump and Abe settled into two very gold chairs at the very famous White House’s Oval Office for a photo op. Then someone off camera asked them to shake hands, possibly so people would share the resulting humorous media.

As you can see, Trump performed the bizarre, two-handed grasp that has become his signature move, patting the prime minister’s hand as if to say, “I will totally pay you for that golf course.” He did not yank the prime minister’s hand towards his body as sharply as he’s yanked other people’s hands, but at least one yank happened. He held on for an uncomfortable length of time. The Donald’s handshakes are over when he says they’re over.

To make matters worse, he asked Abe to translate what the Japanese photographers were saying but forgot instantly that he’d asked, so when Abe replied “please look at me,” he thought Abe was asking him to look not at the photographers, but him. So those tiny mouths Trump calls eyes bore straight into the poor man’s soul as his hand remained trapped in its diminutive prison. “Strong hands,” remarked Trump, then imitated a golf swing. It took all of Abe’s composure not to scream and run away. 

While I once characterized this move as “a disaster,” Trump has pulled it enough times at this point that it’s clear it was no accident. He probably practiced on Ivanka until he got it just right. Is he trying to assert his alpha male dominance, or just compensate for his hands’ lack of surface area by intensifying the experience in other ways? I guess the two aren’t mutually exclusive.

[Photo: Getty]