Snake Gives Virgin Birth To 22 Super Hot Double-Female Jesus Snakes
God has finally answered the billions of prayers for human salvation. The BBC reported yesterday that a snake in North Carolina gave birth to 22 immaculately conceived Jesus snakes– clearly the second coming of Christ.
Needless to say, this is not what we expected.
Besides the fact that they’re snakes, 22 new Jesuses seem like a lot. I know the Lord works in mysterious ways, and there’s definitely a lot of work to do, but 22?
What’s even weirder– they’re all girls.
The Mary snake, who was housed with four male snakes but still abstained (bless her cold, cold heart), gave birth to an entirely new gender-chromosome combination. Here’s what happened:
In the same way that humans have X and Y sex chromosomes (XX making women, XY making men), snakes have Z and W. Males are ZZ, females are ZW. God impregnated the Mary snake with all WW chromosomal pairs, creating a brand new gender combination that can best be described as double-female.
No vertebrate in which the females cary the odd sex chromosome has ever produced a recorded cloning of this kind. The only vertebrate clonings that have ever occurred have taken place in lizards through a process called parthenogenesis, which I think is what put Dick Cheney in a wheel chair, and in one case a particularly unattractive hammerhead shark, which was clearly a matter of necessity (who would have sex with a hammerhead shark?).
The 22 Baby Jesuses are all the rare, beautiful caramel color shown in the photo above.
So far all the stars in the sky appear to be shining normally, and very few impractical gifts have been delivered to the snakes’ cage.