The Marines Corps birthday is today, marking the elite military organization as older than the United States itself. Their 235th birthday could also be known as “Free Shit for Marines Day.” For your bravery, America presents you with a bounty of fried onion blossoms and fountain soda.
One notable issue that is sure to put a damper on the USMC birthday celebration is the fact that the Marines make up 11% of the armed forces but 23% of Americans killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. Clearly the numbers are not in their favor. They have historically been the first troops into conflict and the last ones out. And it’s no coincidence that basically every epic American war movie is about the Marines.
Worse yet, the majority of conflicts US Marines have died in you probably haven’t heard of. Like, did you know 13 members of the 3rd battallion 5th marines have died since October in the Sangin area of northeastern Helmand province of Afghanistan?
I will no longer be envious of all the freebees servicemen get on the Marine Corps birthday. And on this glorious day of military prowess, here’s all of the stuff that the Marines have died for to earn as free:
Free Meal at Golden Corral Family Restaurant
Did you know that they put added carbonation in their fountain drinks so customers will eat less? Apparently we can be cheap but still love America.
A Choice from Six Entrees at Applebee’s.
Complete with American flag toothpicks in all club sandwiches. Semper Fi, baby!
Free Fee Day at More Than 100 National Parks.
I hear nothing settles the nerves of a P.T.S.D. patient like a day spent outdoors!
Free Bloomin’ Onion and Beverage of Choice Courtesy of Outback Steakhouse.
The Bloomin’ Onion is the most explosive-looking appetizer, enjoy the warfare flashbacks.
Free Admission to Knott’s Theme Park.
This is by far the best freebee. It is absolutely impossible to frown on a roller coaster.
And as always, free booze at most bars, because there’s no more efficient way to bury 235 years of bad memories then drinking heavily.
Is this what it’s like?
November 10, 2010 at 8:19 pm, Aly said:
As the wife of a marine I can guarantee these men know their odds before serving, but take on the responsibility because they love this country and everything it stands for. They feel honored to serve their country, even if it means death. For a marine, dying for one's country is the most honorable death they could imagine. My husband says he serves this country so idiots like you still have the right to free speach and, while a free meal at Golden Corral isn't the greatest gift a marine could be given, it's better than your article.
November 10, 2010 at 8:55 pm, Death And Taxes said:
And I would also love to hear you explain just how your husband is fighting for my free speech, because I just don't see it.
November 24, 2010 at 10:22 pm, Anon said:
I've sat here for probably a little more than five minutes trying to find the words to express my gratitude to both our armed forces and the people who support them. It's hard to take up arms to fight for our rights- as indirectly as that may be- but it's just as hard to let them leave home.
I appreciate people like this author because, as tactless they may be, they use their voice to keep the rest of America from grabbing a gun every time they hear “freedom”. Mr. Uhlmann achieved his purpose in garnering attention. But to what purpose? He just made vets and patriotic people angry. I can't think of any benevolent end he may have had. Maybe he wanted to point out that our troops deserve better than this- and no doubt they do- or maybe he was just bored and trolling the internets is his favorite pastime.
Regardless, here's to apperciation for those who have fought and died for those at home, from however many of us I hope to speak for.
November 10, 2010 at 8:41 pm, Unknown said:
@Aly,
I couldn't have said it better myself…
November 10, 2010 at 8:52 pm, Death And Taxes said:
Aly,
I didn't intend to be condescending towards the Marines. I was trying to point out how under appreciated they may be, which was the intention of the list of freebees. It's just ridiculous in comparison to think of these perks as being offered to a person that would voluntarily choose such a dangerous job. That's all.
November 10, 2010 at 8:53 pm, Death And Taxes said:
And I would also love to hear your argument as to how your husband is fighting for my freedom.
November 10, 2010 at 9:28 pm, Guest said:
How he's fighting along with every other serviceman.. hmm.. Americans are guaranteed their freedom & rights by the Constitution but that doesn't do much good unless a country can protect itself and that Constitution and how it protects itself is with a military. As a member of the armed forces, one serves to protect all that. Without a military, there would be nothing to stop any other country, hypothetically, from taking the U.S. over and historically when countries are invaded the new guys don't just say “oh go on about your business” they impose new government etc so I agree with Aly, her husband along with every other member of the armed forces is essentially protecting yours, mine, and every other American's rights not just by the fact that they signed up either, they each took an oath.
Semper Fi
November 10, 2010 at 9:21 pm, Semper Fi said:
You're an oxygen thief.
November 10, 2010 at 9:24 pm, Reynaldo-F said:
You idiot. . . when you fight hand to hand or a couple of hundred yards away you have more casualties. i bet you will never read your article in the Marine Corps Ball.
November 10, 2010 at 9:33 pm, Reynaldo-f said:
to death and taxes. I was a Marine in Viet nam. do you think i fought for Golden Corral. I think you don't know what freedom is. Try living in another country where there is war or dictators and yell at them where is my freedom and free speech. they will shut you up fast. Remember we take the fight to them. Do you want a war in our home land? Do i want a war in Texas? No you idiot
November 10, 2010 at 9:40 pm, Tex said:
Matthew, life must be tough as an Onion-wannabe. To write satire, you need to have an understanding of what you're writing about. This was the first time I've been to your pathetic website – and thankfully, it's the last time I'll visit your pathetic website. Also, when you graduate from high school and become old enough to vote, you might actually begin to get a grasp of reality and the freedoms you enjoy – but sadly, don't come close to appreciating.
Cordially…