Julian Assange Busts the U.S. Government Like A Used Condom

Julian Assange is THIS big.

“He sees what he’s doing as doing a good thing in the world, fighting baddies, if you like.” This quote comes from Julian Assange’s mother in the Herald Sun where she defended her son’s WikiLeaks career.

What she doesn’t acknowledge is that her son is also fighting woodies. Without condoms. Or partially with condoms, but not enough so that his righteous penis of justice has been charged with “rape, sexual molestation and unlawful coercion.”

Two woman complained that Assange had been having consensual sex with them when the condom broke and ignored their requests to stop.

What could make two different condoms break in two different sexual encounters? A huge penis? Really old rubbers? Or a hot stream of American diplomatic cables that burned right through the latex veil and into a U.S. government panic attack?

While I don’t mean to undermine the cry of these two women fearful of being forced to carry the spawn of of the anti-Christ, I wouldn’t be surprised if the two women were Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin disguised as hot Swedish women with the intent to entrap this treasonous monster.

Personally, I like Assange’s mission. He is, as Daniel Ellsberg says, “Serving our [American] democracy and serving our rule of law precisely by challenging the secrecy regulations, which are not laws in most cases, in this country.”

He’s one of the few that does more than just assert that every government is corrupt or that hidden agendas exist behind every military movement, Assange works with WikiLeaks to verify, expose and highlight the real injustices that most journalists are legally or financially bound to never speak of.

So it’s obvious that these charges are simply arbitrary attempts, heavily pushed by the American government, to have Assange arrested and sent to the US where the real legislative guns will be pulled out; You don’t undermine the opacity of the U.S. government and not expect to have the proverbial lasso pulled around your waist.

It’s inevitable that he will be arrested, meaning much like a budding 16-year-old girl, Julian Assnage is going down in a blaze of glory due to defunct condoms, but he’ll still be forever known as the “James Bond of Journalism.”