Welcome to the Four Loko edition of Mixtapae Madness: a magical mystery tour.
The heavily caffeinated alcoholic beverage known as Four Loko was introduced to the American market in 2005. In recent months, its popularity has surged throughout the nation, leading to an increased number of inane late-night text messages, random bar room table dances, public vomiting, and possibly a few deaths—all the results of the drink’s quick and powerful temporary destruction of the senses, aka “black out drunkenness.”
The drink is now currently being banned state-by-state across the country. On November 17th, 2010, the FDA issued a letter to Phusion Projects, the makers of Four Loko, claiming that their product poses a plausible health concern, and ordered that the company begin a motion to alter the product within 15 days.
I myself tried the drink for the first time last night in an effort to see first hand what the commotion is about. Having had my fair share of Jager bombs and other caffeinebased alcoholic beverages, I didn’t see what could possibly be so mystifying about a product that basically can be concocted by any bartender with the right tools. This tape will be chronicling the journey through the effects of what is becoming known as the “crack cocaine of booze.”
The Jesus and Mary Chain – “Psycho Candy”
Although the song is aimed at describing uppers, the sweet yet brain damaging effects of a Four Loko seem to be summed up quite well by this JAMC b-side.
Cocteau Twins – “Sugar Hiccup”
In those old Bugs Bunny cartoons, whenever one of the characters had a helping from those barrels labeled “XXX,” the way to signify drunkenness was through hiccuping. This Cocteau Twins classic would signify the barrel labeled 4LK.
Sleigh Bells – “Run The Heart”
Of all the songs that could capture the hazy buzz of the guarana plant mixed with 12% alcohol, this nervy track from Sleigh Bells’ debut “Treats” takes the cake.
Andrew W.K. – “It’s Time To Party”
The inebriation factor of the Four Loko kicks in so quickly that before you even realize it, you’ll be thrashing about in a victory dance to this one.
New Order – “Confusion”
The positivity of the high received from a Four Loko mutates quickly into pandemonium. The effect is different for everybody but usually the world is not very clear at this point.
Pavement – “Black Out”
Often when a high amount of alcohol meets with large levels of sugar, the chance for black outs increase. It’s a scary place to be, and luckily I stopped at one can before it got to this notorious level.
Queens Of The Stone Age – “Everybody Knows That You Are Insane”
It’s not hard to pick out the person in the bar who pregamed with a helping of Four Loko. In New York, it’s usually just the loudest person with the thickest domestic accent.
Beck – “Nausea”
BS 2000 – “Sick For a Reason”
There’s really no one to be blame but one’s self for the illness one may feel going to bed, or perhaps in your friend’s car on the way home.
LCD Soundsystem – “Never As Tired As When I’m Waking Up”
Waking up the next day after a night with the Four Loko is about as hazy as this LCD track about late night sexual frustration.
Frank Black – “Headache”
Some might start experiencing a hangover from the rush of a Four Loko before it’s initial effects even wear off.
Prodigy – “Funky Shit”
And in some cases (like mine,) the after effects go straight for the bowels. Yikes!
The Magnetic Fields – “Too Drunk To Dream”
A fitting closer as its from The MagFi’s “Distortion” album, that’s style is a tribute to The Jesus and Mary Chain’s debut record “Psychocandy,” but also as a summation of the before and after effects of the Four Loko, detailed in the song’s intro. It gets pulled from NY shelves as of December 11 so get it while you still can…and remember, drink responsibly.