Now the size of a man’s hand does more than ascertain his shoe, sock, or penis size. Ladies, if you’re looking for a man, who’s going to last (physically), pay closer attention to his index finger.

According to a recent study by the British Journal of Cancer, men whose index finger is longer than their ring finger are at a lower risk for prostate cancer. Yes, it may sound like a hearsay and more than a tad ridiculous, but the Brits apparently have statistics to back it up.

Researchers studied the ratio between the 2nd and 4th finger of the right hand in 1,524 prostate-cancer patients and 3,044 healthy people over 15 years. Men with longer index fingers were 33% less likely to develop prostate cancer, and men under 60 had an 87% lower risk. In the prostate-cancer group, index fingers were longer in about 23% of the participants and shorter in 57%. In the control group, index fingers were longer in 31% and shorter in 52%. The rest of the men had fingers of equal length. The findings are in line with a recent study of 366 Korean men, which found a significant association between digit ratio and prostate-cancer risk. - WSJ.com

Researchers say finger-length is determined before birth and there is believed to be correlation between finger-length and hormonal influences such as too much testosterone, which may increase risk for prostate cancer.

Did you get that? Enough mumbo-jumbo statistics for you? Good. Still don’t think your index finger can determine your chances to come down with prostate cancer? I’m with you guys.

Now for some extremely unscientific reasoning with a healthy amount opinion-based unsubstantiated reasoning.

In a recent study conducted by myself, no one I can think of off the top of my head had a index finger longer than their ring finger. Meaning every male I know, myself included, is at a greater risk of acquiring prostate cancer, which really sucks.

It seems the study’s purpose was solely to scare 95% of men everywhere—at least normal ones without mutant fingers.

It reminds me of that childhood joke “if your hand is bigger than your face it means you have cancer.” Of course you quickly place your hand about an inch or so in front of your face to check it’s size, when your oh-so-hilarious friend hits it and you smack yourself in the dome.

Because of this cruel joke, since fifth grade I’ve been very weary of the size of my hand relating to cancer. Plus I’ve always been suspicious of the British trying to get us back for that whole revolution thing.

Just because the Wall Street Journal, one of the most respected newspapers in the world, printed these substantial scientific findings doesn’t mean I going to believe it.