Charlie Sheen has to stop doing drugs and get back into starring in awesome movies.
With “Top Gun 2″ in the works, somebody, somewhere has got be planning a third installment of “Hot Shots,” one the greatest spoof series ever made.
Aside from “Robin Hood Men in Tights” and “Spaceballs,” “Hot Shots” is unequaled in the spoof genre—a genre that held much promise until the Wayans Brothers ruined it with the “Scary Movie” series (save for Chris Elliot parts).
“Top Gun 2″ faces a tough challenge: The acrobatic air-fighting that supplied much of Top Gun’s dramatic oomph is no longer how the Air Force operates. These days they drop bombs, not unlike seminal nineties hip-hop group, House of Pain.
Dramatizing a firebombing that will result in the death of innocent peasants is not cool. You know what’s cool? A woman falling off a piano. In some ways, “Top Gun 2″ needs “Hot Shots 3,” as the spoof validates as much as it transgresses.
Unfortunately, “Hot Shots 3″ won’t see the light of day if Charlie Sheen dies, which seems entirely plausible. Why is Dr. Drew always trying to help out nobodies like Janice Dickinson and Eric Roberts? Here is, in my opinion, a great career path for Sheen:
1) Bottoms out not in Las Vegas or New York, but somewhere exotic like the Maldives. He would have to be found and resuscitated by someone totally off the wall. Think Jet-Li or Jeff Goldblum.
2) Seeks help from Dr. Drew, creating 8-episode VH1 mini-series, “Sheen’d.” Tearful, impassioned interventions with brother Emilio Estevez and father Martin Sheen ensue. Jeremy London also gets better somehow.
3) Production begins for “Hot Shots 3.” It does better than “MacGruber.”
4) Sheen’s resurrection is complete after starring role in a Darren Aronofsky feature.
Let’s get behind this guys. I am working on a “Hot Shots 3″ treatment right. Sheen’s character starts in isolation. Thoughts?