Murderous Rooster Knifes Cockfighting Coach

California man Jose Luis Ochoa, 35, was killed Sunday after one of his fighter birds stabbed him in the leg with a knife, severing a major artery.

The blade, which was attached to the bird’s beak, was there to aid in slaying the oppressed fowl’s opponent. Instead the rowdy rooster redirected his anger—as tormented creatures often do—onto his owner.

This occurred only one week after Indian cockfighter Singrai Soren was murdered by his prizefighter bird after attempting to force it back into the ring only moments after it survived a bloody match. The bird had razors attached to its ankles and used them to gouge at Soren’s throat, killing him after years of humiliating, painful fighting.

When asked about the California killing, John Goodwin, director of animal cruelty policy for the Humane Society of the United States, told the New York Post he was “surprised it doesn’t happen more often considering the knives they put on those birds.”

No kidding! Can you blame the birds? Cockfighting is sadistic. Didn’t anyone learn anything from Siegfried and Roy? Or Michael Vick getting busted? Animals should not be used for our entertainment. Except in certain cases—right? You see the trail of logic on this stuff gets pretty tricky pretty quick.

Animal entertainment is entirely plausible when it comes to, say, the Puppy Bowl. That shit is cute, despite what grumpy Death and Taxes editor, Stephen Blackwell, reported earlier today. And kittens dressed in sweaters are so achingly cute that outlawing dressing up your animal would be cruel for people, kitty annoyance be damned.

Rodeos and horse racing are pretty messed up, but those English equestrian shows are very sophisticated—like fancy credenzas and other stuff Kanye West has probably tweeted about. Like fur pillows.

You see where this is going: Wait a minute, fur pillows definitely count as people using animals for entertainment. So does wearing animal skin, unless you’re an Eskimo. And then you have to think about how eating super decadent foods like fois gras, which I’ve never tried but my friend said is delicious, is messed up.

Then you think about how that friend told you that philosophically eating an overfed duck’s liver isn’t any different from eating the rest of it, and you start feeling guilty about your turkey sandwich lunches, weekly side of bacon, and occasional barbecue rib dinner. Meat is a great source of protein, but since most of us can get it from tofu pups or beans, doesn’t that make eating it pointless entertainment?

Pretty soon you’re throwing out your lunch, buying Peter Singer books on Amazon, and totally, completely hating yourself. Maybe even cutting yourself with a knife. Just careful for that artery in your calf.

[Via New York Post]