Excuse me, racist dude from Idaho? This is how you build a goddamn snowman!
This morning my [enter superlative here] girlfriend found the only man-made structure that has made me smile this winter — other than places that serve or sell alcohol. For some inexplicable reason this monstrous and classy snowman gives me hope that the world will not end before spring.
As we’ve already noted February is miserable — in fact it been shits on miserable and then covers it in snow, so when it melts you’ll still be shitty and miserable. The winter months of January and February are brutally unforgiving and dreadfully depressing.
I’ve never lived in fear of the weather in my entire short existence, but mother nature has me by the balls and is twisting. It seems every morning I wake up facing a new ice storm or blizzard and the trains aren’t running. When I finally get into New York I inevitably step in some invisible slush puddle that cartoonishly swallows my leg up to my mid-shin.
As I perpetually warm my cold, lifeless body with cheap hooch and space heaters, while crying myself to sleep, I’ve been begging for a sign that everything would okay.
And this magnificent cake-shaped snowman was just the trick. Thank you, ambitious father who wanted to upstage your neighbors, you made my day.