Charlie Sheen has not been doing so well as you might know, although he’d be the last person in the world to say so
Having been on and off drugs for years, there was a point where it seemed like Charlie Sheen might be okay. He married Denise Richards and scored a big hit as the star of “Two and a Half Men,” one of the most successful comedies of the ’00s.
But after years of reports of menacing behavior, two divorces, a trashed hotel room, a trip to the hospital, sex, drugs, a wild rant against that show’s producer Chuck Lorre on live radio, and an epic 20/20 interview, the show has been indefinitely halted, and Sheen’s life a total train wreck.
This week’s tape shall explore the voyage of Charlie Sheen, and may shed some light on why people have started substituting his fist name for the word “cocaine.”
Morrissey – “Used to Be a Sweet Boy”
Remember when Charlie Sheen’s future seemed so promising? I’ll admit it was a little before my time, but I remember seeing him in Wall Street, “blazer and tie/and a big bright healthy smile,” and being fully confident in the man. The song, taken from the parents’ point of view, is from Moz’s underrated “Vauxhaull and I” album, and can certainly be linked to the troubled mind of father Martin when thinking about who is to blame for the actor’s seemingly incurable behavior.
Emily Haines & the Soft Skeleton – “Winning”
Charlie Sheen has clearly read too many tweets where people have described their current statuses as a matter of “fail” and “win,” because he has latched himself firmly to the latter and will not let go. It’s surprising that he only just signed up, considering he had to have been admiring it from afar considering his quick pickup of the hashtag phenomenon. In his recent outpouring of rants and interviews, he has described himself at multiple times as simply “winning.” It is apparently his new addiction as opposed to drugs or alcohol. When asked if he was bi-polar, he corrected this notion, describing himself as “bi-winning.” What exactly is Charlie Sheen winning? Not our respect back as of yet.
Goldfrapp – “Ride a White Horse”
Goldfrapp – Ride A White Horse
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Charlie Sheen has had many gallops with white horses, like the ride last November that started out as a simple dinner out and ending up with him naked in a bathroom covered in blow. Despite his off the wall interviews on ABC, Sheen claims to be done with drugs because they’re now “boring.” As he said, “drug tests don’t lie.”
Kanye West – “Hell of a Life”
After years of dating porn stars, Charlie Sheen finally fell in love with one, Rachel Oberlin (stage name Bree Olson). While building up steam over the past few years in the adult film industry, the 24 year old’s Google search primarily links her to the past few days worth of Sheen shoutouts. Charlie claims that Oberlin is like a second mother to his children, which is unfortunate considering she was busted for a DUI in early February. She says she loves Charlie dearly, but she’s not the only one…
The Magnetic Fields – “Three-Way”
In addition to Oberlin, Charlie Sheen also lives with Natalie Kenley, a former nanny and model. She is the other half of “the goddesses,” a term of endearment for his two live-in girlfriends. When paparazzi caught a video of the two kissing in public, Sheen looked straight at the camera and yelled out, “winning!” Clearly.
Blur – “Ambulance”
Complaining of stomach pains last month, Charlie Sheen was rushed to the hospital after a hard day and a half of partying. The lyrics to this song seem to map out Sheen’s erratic mindset right now in regards to the confidence in himself and his attachment to the goddesses who he says he loves “violently.” “Violently Happy” by Bjork might work here too.
Frank Black & The Catholics – “I Love Your Brain”
From the best of the Catholics’ albums, “Pistolero,” “I Love Your Brain” is Oberlin’s sentiment towards Sheen, and an affection that he seems to hold stronger than anyone else, including his two goddesses. In just about every interview Sheen has given, radio or TV, he has claimed to have cured his drug problem with his brain. His tiger blood is what gives him strength and makes him more capable than most others who try and fail, not to mention people who go to AA or drug rehabilitation which are cults. Sheen’s love of his brain can only be rivaled by his love of winning.
The Flaming Lips – “The Magician Vs. The Headache”
Charlie Sheen’s life right now seems to be a war between himself, the magician, and the rest of the world, the headache. He considers his mastering of his drug use to be magic and that they are experiences that he can help give to people to change their lives. He said on the Alex Jones Show, “I’m sorry man but I’ve got magic. I’ve got poetry in my fingertips.” The pounding coda to this song is sort of what it feels like after having listening to all of his recent interviews.
Pulp – entire “This Is Hardcore” album
When thinking of songs to sum up Charlie Sheen’s life, pretty much every song on Pulp’s “This Is Hardcore” fits the bill. The act of half killing oneself to feel alive in “Party Hard,” the estrangement of loved ones in “A Little Soul,” the perverse nature of the title track, the fact that making a “TV Movie” will probably be the best Sheen will be able to achieve if he survives long enough to even get an offer. Even his relationship with the two twenty somethings and his desperation to hold onto his youth bears comparisons to “Help the Aged.” All in all, if there is one word to describe Charlie Sheen’s state of being, it is truly, “hardcore.”
Beck – “Loser”
Ultimately, after all the drugs, the parties, the women, the show controversy, there is nothing clearer than the fact that Charlie Sheen is not winning at all. His state of mind is completely in shambles and he’s an embarrassment to everyone that once had faith in him. No matter how much he shouts the opposite at paparazzi cameras, nothing can distract from the fact that Charlie Sheen is a complete loser.