As I write this post from home, unable to leave my long island abode, I’m pissed. Two feet of snow is awesome when you’re five, but not so much when you’re (older) and have a job and a car. I probably shouldn’t complain though because I get the day off and, also, I’m not my mail carrier who is currently trekking through the snow to deliver our mail. I’ll be forced to stay at home for a whole day. This is worse for me than you could probably imagine, but I’ll deal.

I don’t need another reason to be annoyed with the precipitation but Accuweather.com Meteorologist, Jim Kosek, gave me one anyway. While forecasting our “PARALYZING, CRIPPLING, RECORD BREAKING STORM!,” Kosek goes on an irritating and painfully calculated diatribe about the coming Snowpocaplypse. “Oh boy,” he begins, “oh boy,” as if someone killed his dog, before losing his shit and screaming like a five year old girl.

Kosek’s Gripe with the Snowstorm:
1 – “Road closures, flight cancellations in the hundreds, power outages by the tens of thousands?! YES.”
2 – “35 degrees so when the snow comes in, kicks temperatures down sub-freezing so it initially melted; TURNS TO BLACK ICE!”
3 – “14 TO 22 INCHES OF SNOW! (Winding down Sunday afternoon)”
4 – “Tertiary problems (yeah, I’ve been reading the dictionary)!”
5 – “BLOWING AND DRIFTING! 3, 4, 5 FT DRIFTS!”

Perhaps the best part of his freak out is where Accuweather.com decides to mute his mic. Good call.

Thanks asshole. As if viewers need another reason to dread shoveling. You just had to drill home about it blowing right back. Either Kosek has it out for the snow even more than I do, or he was well aware that his idiotic forecasting rant would land him all over news stations and websites like this. Obviously the latter; Kosek is a worse actor than Nicholas Cage in “The Wicker Man.” Furthermore, I’m pretty sure that weather enthusiasts love this shit. I would imagine it boring to forecast 70 and sunny everyday, so following a storm of this magnitude is probably about as much excitement as this dude gets all year. Poor guy.