Bestiality: Totally Legal in Florida

Having sex with animals may not be socially acceptable, but that doesn’t mean it’s always illegal.

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I’ve never looked longingly into a goat’s eyes and felt a stirring in my loins. When a dog humps my leg I never have the overwhelming urge to hump it back. Bestiality always seemed like nothing more than a device for gross-out humor in films like “Bachelor Party” and “Clerks II,” or something you have to travel to Tijuana to see. Maybe I’m naïve or simply have too much common sense, but for some strange reason I thought having sex with animals was illegal.

I didn’t realize that having sex with animals is nothing more than a social taboo in a whopping nineteen states where there is no legal punishment for ramming a ram or porking a pig.

Today’s St. Petersburg Times reports that the Florida Senate is currently attempting to pass a legislation that would finally make having sex with animals illegal. However, the Senate has been trying to pass this legislation since 2008, but for some reason the House won’t budge on the issue.

The topic has resurfaced in the Senate because a recent incident where a Florida man was having sexual intercourse with his goat, Meg, and accidentally strangled her to death. Talk about getting carried away.

I’m not usually one to judge about strange sexual fetishes, but I normally draw the line at interspecies erotica. It’s easily one of the most perverse and disturbing sexual acts out there.

I would like to meet the people in the Florida House who are continually voting to keep bestiality legal. What is their reasoning? Is there a certain member of the House that makes an impassioned speech every year about our constitutional right to penetrate a different species? Or does the State of Florida elect a bunch of really perverted politicians?

“When our forefathers came America, it was founded as the land of the free. Where we can practice any religion, hold any political belief without persecution. So if I want to make sweet love to my pet Saint Bernard because she understands me and appreciates me more than than my wife, than I’ll damn well pick that tail up and go to town, because this is America.” (Cue Florida House roars and applause.)

Granted I’m taking certain liberties with my hypothetical quotation, but this is ridiculous. Until 2004 Florida state law said that anal sex between human beings was illegal. But plowing your horse was a-okay?

I will not rest until goats like Meg are no longer victims of lonely farmers looking for a cheap thrill. (And by not rest I mean I’ll stay disgusted about this for another 15 minutes until I forget about it altogether.)

[St. Petersburg Time’s]